Sometimes it hurts. Really bad. Sometimes it feels as though it’ll never stop. You feel like a bouldozer is pummeling you to the ground each and every time you try to stand up. You feel sad. Sad that you thought you were beginning the rest of your forever, to only have it end in the blink of an eye. There may be an ache in your heart that feels more like a gaping hole.
Then you start believing all the things that have been said to you. Maybe you do not matter, maybe it was your fault, and maybe you are worthless. Then you start to feel crazy, as if you had made up this entire situation in your head and all your hurt feelings are imaginary and that you just want to be the victim. But you don’t want to be the victim, you're tired of feeling like this every day, you're tired the constant reminder that you never mattered at all. You feel hopeless, like the sun will never shine again, or you’ll never be able to get rid of the anxious butterflies in your chest, and not the good kind. You’ll never be able to understand why some people decided to destroy you when they once loved you. There are days where you feel like you want to go back to when things weren’t so complicated.
And the crying, sometimes it pours out of you and there’s no stopping them, and sometimes nothing ever comes out, as if you had cried all the tears you could cry. You’re stuck in a place that is causing you so much hurt and so much agony because you cannot understand where things went wrong and where things had changed along the way. You want the old ways back because that’s what you thought was real. But you dismiss the idea that if it was real then you wouldn’t lay awake some nights dreading the morning because you know you’ll have to leave your safe haven.
Then there’s the guilt. It haunts you constantly and never seems to fade away no matter how hard you try to push it down. You’re trying to move on but a ghost from your past is sucking you back in as you’re attempting to move forward. It seems as though it’ll never end, as if things will never get better, like you’ll never feel like your old self again. But you will.
There comes a point where you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and allowing people to talk to you the way that they do. There comes a time when you feel as though your head is going to explode because you cannot take the negativity anymore. That’s when the day comes where you need to pick yourself up and keep going forward. The only person that can pick you up is yourself. No one else knows your own self worth except for you, so don’t let someone else try to tell you that you’re not valuable in this world, because you are. Sometimes “love” isn’t really love. Sometimes we fall for that kind of love and when we end up hurt we think that it’s ok because they love us. It’s not ok. No one is perfect, but don’t allow someone who never took your feelings into consideration to make you feel like you're absolutely nothing. You are something, you are someone.
You might have felt anger about how things ended. But now, you should feel happy that things happened the way they did. You should feel elated and free. The strings that were once pulling you down are now cut and you’re free to go anywhere in this beautiful world that you please. You weren’t yourself for a long time, but now all the things that have happened to you have now painted a clear picture that some things are not meant for you no matter how much you want them to be. You were taken away from a situation that you were not meant to be in, and you should feel happy now that you have escaped.