I have always wanted people to validate me, and I have always believed having friends to validate me and appreciate me. I have always believed that other people had to like me, accept me and even understand me. I wanted others to validate me so that I could feel normal. I wanted friends to do stuff with me so that I could feel cool. My first year of college did not go as planned at all. I believed it was important to me that I had to be validated by the society and by my peers. I also assumed that I was weird because the people around me made me think I was weird and that something was wrong with me. I always wanted to be normal and because those around me did not understand me at all or at least they said they did not understand me. I spent a lot of time trying to make them like me. I invested time trying to dress up like them, I went out with them to engage in worthless activities and I did everything I could in my power to please them. I tried my best to fit in, and I actually started doing things against my morals and values because I wanted to be accepted by them. I then started hearing bad things about me from other people that were not true, and I decided to stay away from them. I tried, but that did not stop them from coming to look for me. They were always making up stories about me just to paint me bad. They never could explain why they were mean to me. I was uneasy when I was around them as I was so sure bad things would happen to me when I was around them. I never got to understand the animosity, hatred or anger against me, but at this point of my life I don’t really care or want to understand.

I think friendship is overrated and not a necessity. I used to think I needed friends, but I then realized that I had a friend heaven, and my friend was none other than Jesus. Jesus is my friend who is always there when others are not there for me. I saw pictures of friends on social media celebrating birthdays, graduation, success and other occasions that people celebrate together. I wanted to also be like other girls and dress up and make up like them and do what they did, but at what cost? At the cost of my health, self-esteem and my self-image. I then asked myself what I needed friends for, and I could not answer. I did not even know why I wanted or needed friends; it was just because I wanted to feel among. I then asked myself what these people were adding to my life, and there was nothing they were adding. I then realized that the problem was them, and it was not my fault for trusting them at all. I always assumed that the world was full of good people and people did good things to each other. I assumed the world was a nice place and everyone was always helping each other. I was completely wrong. I did not know that people could be so disloyal, wicked, untrustworthy and cruel. I had a very bad experience in my first year of college, but I now know better than that. I now know better than to look for friends when I have not lost them. Looking for friends is like looking for a pin at a store when you have not lost it. When you find a pin, you know that it is not yours.

I went through a lot in my first year with so much hatred, hostility and wickedness, but I learned to be stronger. I now understand what it means to be a strong woman. I now understand what it means to have haters. I never had haters, so it was hard to understand this group of people, but I do not need to understand now; I just need to trust that God will use everything for my purpose. Whatever any hater did to me out of hate, I have asked God to use it to my destiny. I have left my haters to God. I learned to forgive just like Malala and give the rest to God. I just want to use this opportunity to encourage anyone who is dealing with bullies and haters to just be patient and trust God. I also want women especially to be strong because most times when other women are saying bad things about us it is most likely envy, jealousy and insecurity. I also learned this too. As for guys who are envying and beefing, most times it could be credited to joblessness and having nothing to do.

I love how Michelle Obama handles her haters. She said that the haters were only a distraction and that distractions are temporary in life. I have learned to be myself, proud of myself and love myself no matter what another human being says about me. I have learned to take to positive criticism and thrash negative criticism set out for destruction. The difference is that the former is for correction and the latter is for lies and rumors. I have learned to not jump into relationships anymore.

Build a wall around yourself so that you feel secure and don’t feel the need for validation from any other human being except yourself. Be strong with positive people. It is better to be alone than to be with negative people who would end up poisoning you with their toxins. Be strong with positive affirmations, meditation, yoga and just self-love activities. These self-care activities will help you heal from anything, and it calms you down so that you can be healthy and focus on what is relevant.

It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong people. Do not stoop low to accept friendship from people who are lower than you because you are lonely. It is better to be alone than to be with haters pretending to be friends. It is better to be alone than to allow haters do evil to us. It is better to focus on important things like health, family, career, God and positive relationships. It is better to trust God than to trust man. It is better to spend time with God than party and waste time. The best way to handle haters is to ignore them because all they seek is attention. It hard but possible. It is important to know that bullies choose their way of life, and it is not possible to change that. The best advice I have is for people to ignore the haters as they all want is attention.

We all want to be liked, but we live in a world where things are not perfect at all. The world is full of opposites, and so it is hard to have everyone like us. No one is perfect, and so we can’t expect everything to always be perfect. I have noticed that people believe that likes validate us. People post pictures and then wait for a certain number of likes, and if they do not get that number of likes, then they feel like the picture is not as beautiful as it is. But why do we need people to like our Facebook picture or Instagram picture before we accept ourselves as the way we are? What if we just post a picture without worrying or waiting for people to like it? Social media makes us compare ourselves to others, and that contributes to our happiness. It is easier to just live in our own worlds and do what suits us than trying to please others and do what suits us. My mother told me that I was not on earth for likes or approval, but I should remember that I am on earth to fulfill my purpose. That is what I am doing now, and it has been working in my favor. I am not defined by the amount of likes that I can get, but I am defined by what God has said about me in heaven even before I was born.

I was criticized for various reasons that were petty. I went to a conference that changed my life because there was a session about letting your haters make you greater. The session is about how to see your haters in a new light. So for example, someone at the office is saying bad things about you. Instead of getting angry, check it and see if any of them is true. Let’s say the person says you are always late to come to work and that you miss appointments a lot and that you are always talking on the phone and always negligent with work. Those things are not good things, but if any is true, then work on correcting it; if they are all lies, then they should be thrashed into the garbage can. But there are two types of criticism in life, and they are destructive and constructive criticisms. Destructive criticism is performed with the intention to harm someone, derogate and destroy someone's personality, prestige, reputation and self-esteem.

Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than one of opposition or hatred. The purpose of constructive criticism is to improve the outcome of whoever is involved and make them better.

One reason that I was criticized was because I could not dress well. I ask myself now, while I am worried about how I dress, do I know the number of people who have died today from hunger? Or women who are being sold into sex trafficking because they cannot afford basic amenities for their families? While some people are here criticizing me for petty things like dressing and not being able to act classy, there are people who are suffering from bigger issues in the world, and so I have to think deeper and be more intelligent and make use of my own critical thinking skills that my haters obviously do not have. I now understand my life deeper and do not let people into my life if they do not have goals, ambition and will like me. I now know more than to rush into so-called friendships and trust strangers. I know better now, but I did not know earlier in life. I know I made myself vulnerable and spoke too much about my life, but those are things that I will never do again in my life. The people I thought were my friends were not even true to me.

I conclude that I will never understand human beings, but I can at least use my lessons for the future. I can at least trust God to make me stronger, wiser and better for the future. I can at least know that my God is my vindicator and He will never give me a trial that is above me or that will destroy me. All things work together for good, and I trust the almighty God to always be on the side of the righteous and work things for me. I give everything to God to take care of. God always judges the unfair ones, and God would use my pain for my destiny. It is not wasted at all; my pain has not been put to waste. God will use it to get me to His glory. I have learned most of all to trust the almighty God for all the things that have happened.

In conclusion, I admire Michelle Obama for not wasting her energy and time on haters at all. That is something I need to learn to do. My mother is like that too; she is always looking for ways to forward herself and never has time to acknowledge what people say or think about her. That is what the essence of life is. To be so strong alone that what people do does not bother you at all since it does not have any effect on your life at all. I now know that I may not have many people in my life, but I will find the right ones. I used to cry a lot about what people say or do, but not anymore. I am better than that now. I now know that being successful is the best way to get back at haters.

“Don’t spend the rest of your life mourning the bad things that have happened to you or what you lost. Go forward and don’t look back.” ―Joyce Meyers.

“I cannot let the haters win. I have to focus on God and trust him to use all the bad things to my destiny like Joseph in the Bible and not doubt Him. I have to let go of the pain to God so that He can give me beauty for ashes and give me healing for the pain.” ―Oluwatobi Oluwagbemi.

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don't invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.” ―Michelle Obama.

“What you think of me is not my problem.” ―Oluwatobi Oluwagbemi.

"Focus on only on what you can control, let go of what others think which is out of your control. I do not wish to control anything or anyone. I only wish to live my life I deserve." ―Oluwatobi Oluwagbemi.

"My energy is focused on a few things including God, family, career and personal wellbeing. I help others too, but I can only do a few things and therefore I do not have energy for negativity in my life or negative people. Those kind of people are not worth my time and energy." ―Oluwatobi Oluwagbemi.

“The lesson that I have come to understand is people are not to be relied on for anything as they would betray me. Their opinions make no difference in my life because it adds no value, and since I am a high standard person I focus on value adding activities and people only and nothing less than that, and I have learned not to waste my time or energy on negativity as it is a waste of everything.” ―Oluwatobi Oluwagbemi.