No, I'm Not Single. His Name Is Nalgene. | The Odyssey Online
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No, I'm Not Single. His Name Is Nalgene.

A story of the love between a girl and her water bottle.

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No, I'm Not Single. His Name Is Nalgene.
Olivia Hill

What follows is a non-fiction piece about a girl whose constant companion is her 32-oz Nalgene water bottle. This girl is me, in case that is unclear.

When I entered college about a year and a half ago, I decided that a nice, big water bottle would be great to carry around with me, just to make sure I received constant hydration. Important stuff. So, I did a little soul searching.

The first bottle I bought had too wide of a top, so every time I went to sip, I had to be really careful lest all the water would come pouring out onto me. We didn't last very long. Then, I found the bottle I thought could be the one. He was purple, 32-oz, and had a nice flip-open top that was the perfect size for sipping.

We remained a thing all throughout my freshman year. When I accidentally left him somewhere, I felt as though a limb was missing. But I always remembered exactly where to find him. We were almost inseparable.

However, like most relationships, it didn't last. I found that his flip-open top and mouth piece got too easily fouled-up from my constant drinking, and I didn't really wanna deal with all the upkeep. So this year, I left him at home and, after withdrawal had subsided, went looking for his replacement at the only place you truly can find what you need: Target.

And I really think he might be the one. Nalgene. He's a nice clear blue color with a head of black, and he proudly wears the 13.1 sticker I gave him as a sign of my commitment. I've yet to leave him anywhere alone; he is such a part of me, how could I ever?

I fill him three times a day, usually. And I stay loyal save for an occasional tea from my Peter Pan mug, which he doesn't mind, as nobody enjoys someone too clingy.

I make sure that he never feels neglected, and he makes sure I don't die of dehydration. As you can tell, the relationship is pretty well-balanced.

Of course, any strong relationship will have its faults. For example, a side effect of our companionship is that I wake up every night, without fail, and have to use the bathroom. I think it's the universe reminding me that Nalgene will always be there, even in my dreams, and even during the most banal daily activities.

Maybe our close relationship bothers my peers, as I twist him open ten times a class and tilt him upwards so I may drink; this may distract some and block the views of others, but it's only brief, and I have learned not to let it get in the way of our harmony. But in the end, he is my Nalgene, and I am his Olivia. We are one, and we are never seen apart.

So as Valentine's Day approaches, I want to give the ultimate thanks to my Nalgene, my love who lives only to quench my thirst. xoxo

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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