Remember when Donald Trump was a joke?

Remember when he announced his campaign for President, over a year ago now? We were so young then. So innocent. I remember exactly where I was when it happened. I was in Berkeley for freshman orientation, getting lunch in one of the dining halls. As I sat across from a TV on the wall and saw Trump on CNN, giving the speech that would eventually become infamous for Trump’s entrance via escalator, the “When Mexico sends its people…” sequence, and the introduction of “build a wall and make Mexico pay for it.”

All I could think was, “Seriously? This asshole’s running for President?”

The sound on the TV wasn’t on, so I couldn’t hear what Trump was actually saying. When I checked Twitter later that afternoon and found out all the nasty things he said, I figured he was done for. I figured this was all some ego-driven stunt, just like his hawking conspiracy theories about President Obama’s birthplace, and he would be out of the race soon enough. Trump’s campaign was a joke. Problem was, his campaign was also the Energizer bunny of politics--it kept going and going and going until suddenly it was May 4th and everyone else was out and oh my God, Donald Trump was officially the presumptive nominee. We really did it, America. We really let this man reach the general election. It was the kind of nightmare scenario that sounded too ridiculous to be true when this all started, but here we are. This is what we have to deal with until November, when this hopefully all ends with somebody not named Donald J. Trump in the White House.

And then, of course, we had the Republican National Convention last week. It was only fitting that they held it in the city they call “the Mistake by the Lake,” because that’s exactly what this convention felt like. Unless four days straight of speakers yelling about how immigrants and terrorists are coming to destroy everything you know and love peppered with D-list celebrities, grieving mothers who clearly still haven’t worked through their sons’ deaths, and “Lock her up!” chants in the spirit of Salem-style mob justice are your thing, then you probably had a...difficult time sitting through all of it. If not for the degree of separation provided by Twitter, I don’t know if I would have been able to make it through.

But for all the insanity of the RNC, from Melania Trump plagiarizing from Michelle Obama to Chris Christie’s mock trial for Hillary Clinton to Ben Carson accusing Hillary of devil worship to Ted Cruz’s non-endorsement, the party somehow managed to save worst for last with Donald Trump’s speech. He talked for 75 minutes straight, positioning himself as the law and order candidate while going on the same apocalyptic tirades that practically everyone else had already given. He demonstrated the principle of “if everything is intense, then nothing is” by yelling the entire time, giving the speech a flat tone. The speech, read practically word-for-word off a teleprompter, was clearly written with the intent of sounding Trumpish, but its coherence, relative eloquence, and obedience to basic rules of grammar created an uncanny valley effect. It was close enough to Trump’s usual off-the-cuff speaking style that it was recognizable as an attempt at Trump, but not close enough to feel natural coming from the man himself.

But there’s one portion of the speech that particularly caught my attention. One small section of this long speech that, if not for its presence, I’d have written this article about the whole convention and not just one man. Let me put that quote right here for you.

I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country. And they are forgotten. But they're not going to be forgotten long.
These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I am your voice.

No. No, no, no, stop right there, you little orange hobgoblin. It’s one thing to stoke the flames of violence and bigotry with dog whistle politics and conspiracy theories, but you, Mr. Trump, do not get to go around declaring that you are speaking on behalf of other people.

See, in this speech, Donald Trump pandered to group after group. He pandered to--and deliberately scared the bejeezus out of--his bread-and-butter support base of people scared that immigrants and terrorists will kill their families. He pandered to the LGBTQ community--rather awkwardly, given how he stumbled through the acronym--and promised to protect them from the threat of foreign terrorism. He pandered to Bernie Sanders supporters, asserting that their man was rigged and that they will naturally flock to him. But by declaring himself the voice of all these groups, he denies these groups their agency. He says, “No, I don’t care what you think. You will fall in line behind me because I said you should.”

As a Bernie Sanders supporter myself, I find this rather insulting. Oh, sure, Trump will get some Bernie supporters behind him--namely, the diehard holdouts, the ones who were always more against Hillary Clinton than for Bernie. The rest of us have already decided to follow Bernie and throw our support for the general election to Hillary.

Say what you will about Hillary, but before you denounce her, consider how her opponent behaves. Mr. Trump brags about exploiting the campaign finance system. He builds his whole persona around being absurdly rich. He flaunts his wealth by putting gold on everything he gets his hands on, making him quite possibly the most devout adherent of the Trinidad James school of aesthetics. He screws over contractors in America and manufactures ties with his name on them in China.

Put simply, Donald Trump embodies everything about the 1% that Bernie Sanders has spent his political career fighting. Even when the two agree, as on the fact that the TPP is bad, they do so for completely different reasons. Bernie sees the TPP as a threat to American workers and a boon to multinational corporations; Trump, on the other hand, seems to think it involves making a deal with Chi--I’m sorry, Chaiiinuhh. At least, that’s what Trump said during a debate, at which point Rand Paul got in an epic takedown by pointing out that China is not part of the TPP. (Oh, Rand Paul. How I miss your relative sanity.)

The fact that Donald Trump, a man who borders on being a walking, talking caricature of obnoxious rich people, is now trying to hijack a movement designed to take power back from people like himself strikes me as hypocritical and, frankly, a bit stupid. Bernie and Trump are, ideologically speaking, about as far apart as a Cleveland Browns game and a good time. To pretend otherwise is to become an agent of the people who threaten to turn our republic into a plutocracy.

As insulted as I feel about Trump’s claims, I can’t even begin to describe how the LGBTQ community must be feeling about this whole situation. It must be even more extreme for them, given their relationship with the GOP. If someone who actually belongs to that community--no, not you, Milo Yiannopoulos--wants to respond to this piece with how they took this speech, please be my guest. We need to hear your voices right now, because your voice is yours and yours alone, and if anyone tries to take it from you, they’re not worth your time.

But in the meantime, let me make one thing very clear. No, Mr. Trump, you are not my voice. You never were, and you never will be. Sit down and don’t ever try to speak on my behalf again. If you do, you can catch these hands.

Actually, I take that back. Your hands are too tiny to catch anything.