Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, I was introduced to my first Nintendo video game console. Okay, the year was 1987 and it was Kentucky, the home of my sister and her husband. Not that it matters. What matters is the love affair between the subdued gray box of plastic and myself, an affair that is now three decades long.
From an arguably overweight plumber to a Hyrulian hero of legend to a spacing-faring bounty hunter named Samus Aran, I was smitten with all the adventures the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) had to offer.
Although I'm far from old, I am grown, and I don't have the same time to devote to gaming like I once did. Complicating matters is multiple consoles upon which I play games. There's also a slew of homework as I finish my undergrad and a handful of responsibilities that prevent me from settling in and playing to my eyes and yadda, yadda, yadda.
Despite owning a number of consoles outside of the Nintendo brand, I'm a Nintendo through-and-through. Thankfully, Nintendo has put out quite a few consoles in my time, and it's below that I'll present a ranking of Nintendo consoles from worst to best.
12. Virtual Boy
Admittedly, I never bought the Virtual Boy. Every time I tried to play on it at Best Buy or Target, I ended up getting a headache, potentially the result of its poor attempt at serving up a 3D video game experience. Also hurting it was that every game was red in tone and the inconvenient, bulky design the console's intended portability.
11. Wii U
While the concept was intriguing, I never really saw the Wii U's potential realized. As a consequence, I never really cared for it and it's ungodly expensive Gamepad controller. On that note, quite a few of the friends I know preferred to use a controller other than the Gamepad, so...
10. Gameboy
Ranking this so low almost hurts, as it is the granddaddy of portable Nintendo gaming, but the games do not stand the test of time. The damn thing required too frequent battery changes, a screen that was too tiny, and a constant source of light, an inconvenience that ruined this on car rides at night. If memory serves, there was a backlit Gameboy released, but it was far too late, in my opinion.
9. 3DS
While I have to extremely boss games on the 3DS, they're remakes of old-school games from the PlayStation 2 and the original Gameboy. Were it not for those two games, I'd not have wasted my money on what never really delivered on the 3D side of things nor really showed us anything that an earlier handheld didn't already show us.
8. Wii
Now, this is an odd entry, and I sometimes will rank it higher than I am now. However, despite some of the stellar games released on the Wii, this machine was more gimmick than a mainstay. Yeah, "Smash Bros," "Mario Kart," and "Metroid Prime 3" were all amazing, but I don't want to be so physically active while playing a game. Also, were it not for the Virtual Console, this would rank even lower.
7. DS
I only bought this to help pass the hours while wasting away entire days during my enlistment. However, this is far from a throwaway Nintendo experience. The two screens made for a unique way to play games, and its library of games was solid, too. Of course, most games I played were mostly retro game remasters and remakes.
6. Gamecube
This lil' box of a console was deemed to cutesy and too childish for more hardcore gamers, but it had some hard-hitting games that stand the test of time. "Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker" was, far superior to "Ocarina of Time," an assertion sure to get me killed. "Metroid Prime" as both fun and an amazing sight to behold. There are countless more games, but I'll say no more.
Don't agree with my ranking? Fight me.
5. Gameboy Advance
The Gameboy Advance was everything the original Gameboy should have been, were it not for those pesky lil' technical limitations. The advance had quite a decent library and provided a better gaming experience than its predecessor. Did I mention it was backlit? No? It was backlit. Now I've said it.
4. NES
Simple in design and its library of games is out of this world. Chances are, if there's a remake of an old NES game, I have that remake. Now, I would hook up and play the actual console, but, if you've ever owned one, you know that the console itself was cantankerous.
3. Switch
"Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild" is reason enough for this console's inclusion in my top three. However, it's blend of portability elevates this console to lofty heights. "Mario: Odyssey" is on point, and being able to lie in bed AND play "Skyrim" makes a strong case. Of course, additional points were given for potential of the console.
2. N64
By virtue of its cartridge versus compact disc format, the N64 should have failed in the face of competition with the PlayStation. Anyone who has played "Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" or "Super Mario 64," among other games, know full well why this console is still considered one of the best of its era.
1. SNES
Not only is the most significant console of my formative teen years, it has the beefiest library of games of any other console on this list, save the original NES. "Chrono Trigger" is possibly one of the greatest RPG experiences of all time. "Super Metroid" improved upon the original in some many ways it's sick. "Mega Man X?" Still one of the loveliest Mega Man games ever.
I really could on forever in this console's case. It had it all. RPGs by the truckload. Adventure games in the hundreds. Sports games aplenty. It had a little bit for everyone. Truth be told, I don't think a console has been quite as pleasing as the SNES was, and still is, although the Switch has potential. Maybe...
Some consoles or portables were omittied because they either did not release in North America or they were simply an earlier model with the most minor of changes.
Anyway, what do you think? Would you agree with my ranking? Any choices surprise or enrage you? Drop me a message and let me know.
