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Health and Wellness

Nineteen.

These are real, honest, true, vulnerable expressions of thoughts. Please handle them with care. If you are unable to do so, perhaps you shouldn't be taking the time to read them. But for whatever silly reason, I trust you.

58
Nineteen.
Hope Radvinski

I hate everything.

But.

I love everything.


I feel empty.

And I feel everything at once.

I don’t want to get out of bed.

I don’t want to lie to waste.

I never want to leave my room.

I need fresh air.

I’m scared to go out there.

But you’ve done it so many times before…

I need people.

But it’s exhausting to be around them.

I need someone.

But I need to learn to love myself.

I like being alone.

But it sure is lonely.

I have so much potential

And I’m walking in a circle.

I’m going nowhere.

I have so much ahead of me.

Forever.

That’s not enough time.

Time is running out.

The hour goes by so agonizingly slow.

Speeding up, where did the time all go?

There’s so much left.

But I’m still hungry for more.

I’m curious.

I’m scared.

The suspense is killing me.

Wait.

Don’t tell me.

But I’ll have a good day and feel I deserve what I’m actually worthy of.

But am I worthy?

I try.

I don’t try hard enough.

You are not worthy.

Wasting away.

So much potential.

Beautiful.

Ignorant.

Disgusting.

Ignorant.

Shattered into pieces.

Put myself back together again.

Pick myself back up again.

Push myself back down again.

Around and Around.

A Straight line.

Where does it end.

It never ends.

Where did it begin.

It hasn’t started.

Set Free.

With restrictions.

You haven’t made it to the hard part yet.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

But you don’t know do you.

You’re so smart for your age.

You should keep your mouth shut you’re just a kid.

Work Harder.

You’re going to hurt yourself.

Be yourself.

That’s not how I taught you.

It hurts so much.

I’m laughing.

You are the future.

Your opinion doesn’t matter.

You are strong enough.

That's not very lady-like.

Stand out.

Stop.

People are looking.

Be different.

I’m sorry,

You didn’t meet our expectations.

I see all light.

It gets so dark.

Open up.

Regret.

Close off.

Regret.

I am loved.

I am unworthy.

The sun shines on my face.

I feel it.

I enjoy the rain.

I want to go.

I’m scared to leave.

I’m scared to stay.

I need to leave you behind.

And I’m so sorry.

Close to my heart.

You’re so far away.

Find myself.

Lose myself.

I’ll rip apart. Right down the middle.

Sew myself back up again.

Tear at the seams.

Stitch my skin back together again.

Tell me how you feel.

I don’t understand.

The possibilities are endless.

Stay within the lines.

Do Not veer off, you will get hurt.

You can’t play it safe.

Life’s about taking chances.

Life is fragile.

It’s all about the moments.

Keep an eye on the big picture.

People are the most important thing.

Your education is the most important thing.

You matter.

I’m just busy.

I feel like its starting to make sense.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

It pieces together.

It falls apart.

Its normal.

Don’t worry.

You don’t care enough.

You’re thinking about it too much.

Don’t worry.

You should love yourself.

You’re not good enough.

You have a lot to improve.

No one is perfect.

It’ll get better I promise.

It only gets harder. You just wait.

Take your time.

Time is running out.

You need to act your age.

You’re just a kid.

Stand up for yourself.

Don’t be disrespectful.

Stand up for what you believe.

You’re wrong.

A straight line.

Goes round and round.

Round and round.

We go.

Walking

Forward.

Backward.

Sideways.

Progressing.

Aimlessly.

I pull left.

You pull right.

There’s so much left to look forward to.

I don’t know what I want.

I want to be everything.

I want to be nothing.

I feel everything.

I feel nothing.

All at once.

Round and round and round.

Round and round and round.

I have so much potential

And I’m walking in a circle.

I’m going nowhere.

I have so much ahead of me.

I’ve never been this happy.

I’ve never felt this sad.

I deserve more.

I don’t deserve any of this.

This is so hard.

I have it easy.

Don’t pretend to be something that you’re not.

You want to make a good impression.

Around and around.

A straight line.


“Be yourself.”

Who are you even talking about?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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