Welcome to the world of "word-vomiters:" we are the people that blurt out personal information or random facts (I mean it could be anything) that actually weren't really meant to be said, at least not at the certain point in time that it was said. Yes, we are the Gretchen Weiners of the world...the people that you non-vomiting folk refer to as the friends with "no filter." It is true, we often times do not have a filter, but it is not our fault...we didn't choose the word-vomiting life, the word-vomiting life chose us. Should you be so fortunate to not have run into a word-vomit individual during the act of said vomiting, here's a clarification for you: according to Urban Dictionary, word-vomiting is "a person who has no control in what they're saying, and usually "slip" and say something that wasn't intended to be said. Now strap in for a wild ride...here is a glimpse into the mind of a word-vomit individual while in the act of word vomiting.
Stage 1: Happy Friends Times
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You're just chillin' with friends, things are going really great. You think to yourself "Wow, I'm really enjoying myself, these people are awesome. How did I deserve such great friends? I feel like I can really trust them." Life is good.
Stage 2: Thought Popping
You're sitting there with your friends, loving life, you might as well be the queen...and then all of a sudden you've got a little thought popping around in your head. No longer are you aware of what is being said in conversation because you've got a little thought wreaking havoc, wrecking the homeostasis of your mind. To an outsider, you may look like a deer in headlights, contemplating life.
Stage 3: Bargaining
The little thought popper has come full circle and is now the sole focus in your mind. You're thinking "should I say it? I don't know maybe not, I should just pay attention to my wonderful friends" and then thought popper comes in and says "Your friends want to know this, they need to know this. It will bring you all closer and you'll be as close as all the "Friends" characters." At this point, and outsider is looking at you and you've starting sort of bopping back and forth like an excited dog.
Stage 4: Tip of the Tongue
The decision has been made, thought popper is now the ruler of your mind. You being to look at your friends waiting for the perfect opportune time to deliver thought popper, or you may not even have enough control to wait for that perfect opportune time...thought popper just has to come out.
Stage 5: The Spilling
You hear yourself say the thought popper. You hear yourself say, "Several times I sat on the toilet in high school and ate my lunch alone because all the people I sat with normally were sick that day," or "One time I looked under the fitting room door to see what my sister was trying on and she kicked me in the face." It's out, you've released it...you set it free. The delivering of words may not have been graceful, but that's OK, it's all over now and we can go back to normal.
Stage 6: Moment of Silence
You realized no one has responded to your spilling of words and panic ensues. Sheer panic. You start to plan your escape to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean where you'll float alone for the rest of your life, "it's OK" you tell yourself "I'll become one with the whales." Meanwhile, your friends have started watching paint dry because that would be better than responding to your word vomit.
Stage 7: Breaking of the Silence
You've all but packed your rubber ducky to the Atlantic, and all of a sudden someone responds. Your friends welcome you back into the circle, and you remember how wonderful they are. "How dare I think they wouldn't understand?" you say to yourself. The conversation begins flowing again and you all move on without a hitch, life is good again.
Stage 8: Paranoia
You and your friends part ways until next time and you continue on with your day. But then you start second guessing yourself...is it really possible that your word-vomit was accepted so seamlessly by everyone? In a matter of about five minutes, you will have convinced yourself that your friends will never think of you the same way again and life can never go back to the way it was. You play "Bye Bye Bye" on YouTube and begin to plan a whole new life for yourself. You'll make new friends and never word-vomit again, "it's alright," you tell yourself "I can recover from this."
Stage 9: Denial
Let's face it, you don't have the energy to forge a whole new path for yourself. So you invite everyone over for a grand old time and pretend like nothing ever happened. Your friends will have so much fun at your place that they'll forget what you said earlier and you'll all be right back to normal again...until the word-vomit strikes again that is.
