Best friend. If I ever needed advice, you were there. Before I was ever allowed to start a serious relationship with a guy, you had to check them out to get a “vibe” on them. The funniest part is that I never once listened to your “vibes” about people, but they were always right. When I decided to date someone that hurt me, you would be there as a shoulder to cry on and wait to say “I told you so” for at least a day later. The moment you decided you wanted to move in with my boyfriend and myself was one of the happiest moments of my life. I got to spend every day with the two people in my life that knew me best and cared about me more than anything.

Christmas Eve. Officially the hardest holiday I will ever have to “celebrate.” It was not your time to go and you were far too young. No one even knew you were missing. Imagine the panicked phone calls I had to go through because you never got off the plane on Christmas to meet up with your girlfriend. As I was on the phone reassuring her that you probably just missed your flight, the pit in my stomach tells me otherwise.

Three Days. Three days is how long it took for us to discover something was genuinely wrong. Each day came with phone calls from your girlfriend that seemed to last for hours. With each passing hour, I became more worried. I tried to hold myself together because for all we know, your flight was delayed and you were stuck in a foreign country with no way to contact us. You were extremely resourceful, we weren’t worried that you wouldn’t find a way to get to her.

Missing Person. I have never had the police at my house questioning my role in a missing person case. Calling your family was the hardest thing to do. How do you tell the parents of someone you care about so much that something possibly happened to their son? Your dad didn’t believe it, hell I didn’t even believe it. I created a “missing person post” on Facebook for you. That post was shared over 500 times. To think that many people wanted to help me find my best friend was humbling. I kept imagining you walking through the front door laughing at me for thinking that you were missing and creating such a panic because that’s “just what I do”.

Losing Hope. Every ounce of my being tried to tell me that I would be hearing your voice soon while every part of my brain told me that wouldn’t be true. Finally we get some lead on where you may have been. There was an article written in the newspaper about search and rescue pulling a car out of the river that matched our description of yours. As I saw the pictures, my heart officially sank. I dropped to my knees, shaking, only thinking of myself. At that point, there was nothing left to do but call your parents and inform them of the article to follow up on.

Broken Heart. An hour later, your brother called me. He didn’t have to say a single word, the shaking I could hear on the other side of the phone told me everything I needed to know. My best friend was not coming back. He was not going to walk through the front door making a joke at my boyfriend and myself. He was not going to be going with me on spontaneous trips to random places that he didn’t figure out until we were half way there. The look of irritation and disappointment he would give me when I messed up that made me so mad, was something I craved to see one last time.

Saying Goodbye. Walking into the church, I heard your favorite song being played over the speakers. I stood frozen in my path with no chance of even continuing into the funeral. It wasn’t real. I stood at the front doors shaking in my boyfriend’s arms as he attempted to reassure me that you wouldn’t want us to be crying. Just as I made it inside the doors, the slide show of your life began to play. We cried seeing the last photos of us altogether. We laughed at the fact that everyone now knew your middle name that you had tried to keep a secret for so long. We admired your passion for others and how much you loved working with children.

Never forget. It is very clear that I will never forget you for as long as I live. The imprint that you made on my life, as well as so many others, is a void that will never be completely filled. The constant overflow of love and support from both of our family and friends has been comforting. The days that our “group” comes over to sit and talk about funny moments are the days were I am truly grateful to have had you in my life. You have been such an inspiration to, not only me, but so many others. It would be easy to say that in your 26 short lived years, you lived everyday as if it were a year of its own. Rest peacefully dear, and know that you touched so many lives, especially mine.