Oh good lord, Nickelback. Is there a band more closely associated with the absolute downfall of musical creativity? Despite their platinum selling albums and hit singles, they're clearly universally hated-- just ask anyone who listens to real music. Luckily, I've done the dirty work of sifting through the lyrical garbage and I've uncovered the darkest truth that anyone has ever unearthed-- Nickelback knows the end is nigh. They've been trying to tell us for years. You get examples in every single one of their songs, but I've chosen the five most telling songs to show us details about the Apocalypse, which, from here on out, I will be referring to as the Nickelpocalypse.
1. Faceless Man
Nickelpocalyptic Lyrics:
Again I stand, lord I stand
Against the faceless man
Again I stand, lord I stand
Against the faceless man
Clearly what is being described here is some kind of rider of the Nickelpocalypse. With many end-of-time myths, you find that there are corporeal riders that come, the most famous being the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death). What Nickelback is referring to here is a bringer of the Nickelpocalypse, which is some entity that takes the form of Man and has no face. Now, it is not clear here if the man's face is missing and only his skull and musculature are showing or the man's face is blank, wholly without defining features. But the visage of this man creates a fear and signals the end-times as we see our protagonist calling for the help of “Lord”, who we can only assume is the Christian God. So we know that the Nickelpocalypse will be heralded by the terrifying and awe-inspiring “Faceless Man.” That's one piece of the puzzle in place.
2. A Thousand Faces
Nickelpocalyptic Lyrics:
I stand surrounded by the walls that once confined me
Knowing I'll be underneath them
When they crumble when they fall
With clarity my scars remind me
Ash still simmers just under my skin
We see here that there is a lot of imagery that can be closely associated with the dropping of bombs, probably some form of nuclear warhead given the details. The walls around him have crumbled, implying some form of impact or force have knocked them down. The big part of these lyrics specifically that make me believe that it is some form of atomic weapon is the last lyric about ash simmering under skin. It's said that, during the nuclear attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the heat given off by the bombs made people's blood literally boil. It's horrific, but this is what leads me to believe that the Nickelpocalypse is going to be kicked off by a large-scale nuclear war. Second piece down, let's move on to piece number three.
3. Pity For A Dime
Nickelpocalyptic Lyrics:
Shadows paint the sidewalk
A living picture in a frame
See the sea of people
All their faces look the same
This is another set of lyrics that alludes to the idea of nuclear apocalypse. Another interesting thing about when the bombs were dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki was what's called “shadow burn-ins." The amount of light energy emitted from a nuclear blast works much like an old-timey camera with the flash powder. The light emitted literally burned peoples' shadows into the ground all around the cities. You can even see some around the cities today with a quick Google search. This solidifies the second piece of the puzzle, and now we're positive it'll be some form of nuclear war.
4. Illusions
Nickelpocalyptic Lyrics:
Should I stay or go
Should I sleep or stay awake
Am I really happy or is it all
Just an illusion
The next sign of the Nickelpocalypse is some form of mass confusion. I believe it's stated very clearly in these lyrics here. The voice of this character can't decide what to do, where they should go and whether or not everything around them is just an illusion. This outbreak of mass hysteria, probably brought on by the nuclear bombs, will throw society into chaos and total anarchy.
So this is the third piece of the puzzle, let's check out the last part and tie this whole apocalypse together.
5. Unforgiven
Nickelpocalyptic Lyrics:
Step inside the light and see the fear
Of God burn inside of me
The gold was put to flame
To kill, to burn, to mold its purity
The line “the gold was put to flame” is our last view of what the Nickelpocalypse has in store for us. After the coming of the “Faceless Man” and the nuclear warheads flying from nation to nation, we have the destruction of all the world's economy. Every form of worth will dissipate when the world falls in flame, and nobody will know what to do when it's paired with the confusion.
Mankind will completely fall and Nickelback tried to warn us. The Nickelpocalypse will come with sightings of the “Faceless Man”, then the bombs will fly, then the world will be thrown into mass hysteria and the economy will collapse. Nickelback has been warning us the whole time, guys. I think it's time for us to stand up and take listen to Nickelback-- they're the saviors that we need (but not the ones we deserve).
