Our generation is kind of ridiculous—I mean that in the best way, though. We’re the “millennials” who bite off more than we can chew while also shamelessly binge-watching shows on Netflix. We work hard, play hard... meme hard... but also drown in perpetual existentialism and self-loathing (and with education costs and jobs the way they are in the US right now, who can blame us?).
We relish self-love, self-care, and self-respect… but we also struggle with our stance on how to treat the people around us.
While it is important to be confident, to be powerful, and to have the “I don’t owe anybody anything” mentality… being nice is also super productive. Niceness (I’m totally hoping that’s a word) just makes the world a lot better! It makes our community happier, more beautiful, and more full of light. And it is most definitely not something we need to “sacrifice” in order to be powerful individuals—power is being nice.
It’s bringing yourself to see someone as a person rather than as a side-subject to your own life. (What an otherwise boring narrative.) And while it is totally true that you don’t “owe” anyone anything, not even your kindness, should that stop you from being a person who gives it anyway? A person who cares about others not out of obligation but out of empathy and understanding?
To be clear, this doesn’t apply to situations of injustice and discomfort.
If a boy is asking you out, for instance, and you’re clear with him about being uninterested—you don’t owe him a chance. You don’t owe him kindness. You, indeed, don’t owe him anything. (Same with the genders swapped. Or the genders non-existent.)
I’ve heard of-- and have been a part of-- way too many situations where people feel pressured to be “nice” to someone who makes them uncomfortable; this is clearly wrong, and it should not be tolerated. So, yeah, ghost the hell out of them. You’re not being “mean” for looking out for yourself. You’re not being "wrong" for being uninterested. You are just being a person, and they do not have the right to expect anything more.
Similarly, if you are a person speaking from a position of oppression (I’m referencing specifically to marginalized groups such as women, people of color, and members of the LGBTQ+ community), then it makes a lot more sense that, in standing up for yourself against a cis white male-privileged, heteronormatively-structured society, “niceness” isn’t your first concern. (Ex: Your first thought is def not “how do we nicely tell these white kids that they’re being degrading and offensive rn?”)
So, yes. There is a time and a place for niceness... but I don’t necessarily think we’re doing our best job at being nice at this “time” and “place.” And it’s a little disappointing.
However, it's vital to note that there is a difference between "nice" as a characteristic and "being nice" as an action. In other words, I don’t believe that a lot of us are particularly not-nice people; it's just that we're in a crisis regarding how to present ourselves.
At first, I thought it was a "high school" thing. And then, perhaps, a "college" thing. But now I’m seeing it’s more of an overall life thing.
The point is, it’s time we rework our feelings toward “nice.” Nice does not mean passive; it does not mean weak. Nice is not a form of surrender. You can be powerful, strong, captivating, beautiful, intelligent, engaging, creative, ambitious and nice.
And you should be!
I’m tired of confidence going hand in hand with hostility and indifference. I’m tired of romanticized “I hate everybody” slogans. I’m tired of being engulfed in an era that glamorizes coldness, snarkiness, and hate.
I saw the following tumblr post the other day:
Let's do it-- Let's bring back genuine enjoyment!
After all, it starts with being nice.
