Cyberbullying is defined as the use of electronic communication to bully a person–typically by sending messages in an intimidating or threatening nature. We most commonly hear this term associated with schools and children, beginning at younger and younger ages as years move forward. With the rise of technological advancements, younger kids are possessing iPads and cell phones much earlier than we’ve seen in past years, and these patterns are on a rise, beginning earlier and earlier.

Bullying comes in all shapes and sizes. Typically, in movies/television shows–especially those from past decades–bullies are shown as overweight boys, or popular, “beautiful” girls, who pick on the scrawny kid that doesn’t have a lot of friends, or maybe has a unique quality that stands out. In reality, there are no physical criteria that a person is supposed to fit to be labeled as the bully, and there are no specific qualities that their victims must have, either. Anybody can be the victim of bullying, alongside the fact that everybody has the capability of being the bully as well.

Bullying of any kind can lead to anxiety, depression, and in some cases–death. When it comes to cyberbullying, people are so quick to hit "send" on a message or a post without thinking about the consequences behind it. Social media makes it so easy to engage in arguments with people, and it also makes it easier to say something you wouldn’t be so quick to say if you were face to face with the person (there is nothing really social about social media in my opinion–but that’s beside the point). On the other hand, though, there are people out there that are just plain mean; people who thrive off of hurting somebody else, whether it be physically or emotionally, and it is truly terrifying. Bullying is commonly seen in schools, and mostly online these days, and it’s scary because you don’t always know who the abuser is behind the screen. You also can’t always tell who the poor victim walking down the hallway is, because so often they are scared to open up and tell somebody. The words and actions of people leave scars that go way beyond skin. They stick in their heads, making them believe the hateful things they are told about themselves. Bullying destroys a person's confidence, self-worth, and outlook and it tears down their security walls.

Now, for a personal example of cyberbullying, which I don’t ever really speak about. So, I think we can all agree that middle school is a rough age for everyone, correct? We have zits taking up half our faces, boys don’t know what belts are. Girls don’t want them to point out their new summer-grown boobs, are discovering makeup and applying bright-colored eyeshadows from their waterlines to their brows. Everyone is awkward; we are all trying to find a secure group of friends, figure out where we fit in and find opportunities to come up for a breather every once in a while to keep from drowning in the drama.

For me, I was the mediocre drama club girl who had just two friends, wore denim on denim and my hair in pigtail braids (not the cute ones), and was developing "resting bitch face" faster by the second. I don’t know about anybody reading this, but to me this doesn’t sound appealing, and I don’t think it came off any better back in 2009. So, seventh grade, I finally had one year of middle school under my belt, I was familiar with the bus schedule, and the faces on it. I typically sat in the second seat from the front and said nothing to anybody around me. I was focused on getting on the bus and making it to school. One day, this girl started talking to me. For argument's sake, let's say her name was "Penelope." So, Penelope and I started talking everyday–she starts sitting with me on the bus, and we exchange numbers. We hung out a few times, and I remember she would lie about so many silly things–like these abstract, tied-up lies–for absolutely no reason. I thought they were silly and I would catch her in them, not understanding why she would do them (I still don’t understand it honestly, maybe just because when you’re in middle school, your common sense is half up your ass? Any psychologists out there, feel free to chime in). To my knowledge, the last conversation we had right before things took a giant turn was about a pack of gum. She offered me a piece of gum that morning on the bus and told me her sister had given her the whole pack (she was ecstatic–which is why I remembered). Then, on the way home, she gave someone else a piece, but she told this giant, selective lie about how she stole it from her dad and "blah, blah, blah." I don’t remember the full details of her lie, but it was enough that I was confused and called her out on it. The look on Penelope’s face: I knew I just signed my name onto her shit list.

Later that night, I was finishing up some homework before dinner, and my phone buzzed (yeah, my Env 2–because I was super cool). It was a text from Penelope… I noticed it was lengthy, and as I opened the message, I saw it read:

"Who thinks Alyssa Ferington is fat, ugly, and stupid?
Lets see her get jumped tomorrow after school.
Send this to 10 people to prove you hate her
and lets see her get beat up”

So by this time, I realized that there is a chain message going around about me. But I was still stuck on the fact that Penelope sent it to me, including nothing else. So I called her, and she answered laughing. I asked her what that was, and why she sent it to me. Her response was, “I wanted to let you know what people actually think about you,” and then she hung up. I took that as her acknowledging that she created it, because as far as I was concerned, nobody else had even known who I was. One of my two friends at the time called me to make me aware.

I went to bed that night praying for a tornado, or anything, to stop me from going to school the next day. I just couldn’t understand what I did that was so wrong that I deserved that. I also was still unsure of how many people had received the chain message–but I found out later on that it had reached far too many for it to be a secret. I knew she had to have been the one who created it. I only had two friends excluding her, and nobody else knew me enough to be my enemy. The guidance counselors confiscated our phones so they could look at the messages, but hers were all mysteriously gone, and nobody was punished for what was put out there about me. We were sent back to class after my counselor had told me, “People are mean, but there cannot be any punishments without proof." So, after 12 year-old me sat at home the night before, terrified of what I was going to walk into at school, and who was going to be talking about me, I went to a superior for assistance with my issue, just to be dismissed back to class and basically told to “get over it," after I was completely taken for a spin, not understanding why I was being called such hateful words with no real cause. This all began because I questioned a white lie about where she got her pack of gum. Let's not forget that part. That clearly deserves a confidence/self-image slash, doesn’t it? No. It fucking doesn’t.

Too many young kids are being humiliated over social media. One bully case is too many. End it now. Educate your students and your children on the effects of their actions. When you choose to put something online, it is always there. When you choose to put hateful words into another human being's head or post them on their Facebook wall, they are always going to be there, and they will never be retractable. Something so silly that began with a pack of gum was taken way too far for no reason whatsoever. Kids don’t make sense half the time; they like to think they know everything, but they don’t–which is why you need to monitor what they say online, and what is being said to them.

According to Bullyingstatistics.org, nearly 30% of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and over 160,000 students stay home from school every day because they fear bullying. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people, and a study in Britain found that at least half of the suicides among young people are related to bullying. There is always going to be hate–it's inevitable, unfortunately–but you can help end cyberbullying by stopping the words and rumors from hitting the cyber world. Review what they are posting, and if you see something alarming, whether it is being sent or received, do something about it. Discuss it. End it. It could save a life.