To The Boy That Will Love Me Next,
I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been through not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes control my life. In the past, I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me, I want you to understand these things.
When I tell you something, please listen.
I'm my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me, please do it. If I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because I need it, please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to me and my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and being cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I would do for you.
Forgive my past.
My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it, you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decide whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went through. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, some things haunt me and some things are good reminders. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present, and future.
I’m just another bro to the other guys.
I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 3 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guys-- don’t let that scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed, I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many friends because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I would not do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have, you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can't accept the fact that I’m just another bro.
I’m hard to love.
Sometimes I want to be cuddled and want attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out, but sometimes I just want to stay home. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.
I’m scared.
I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beaten to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, to put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I'm sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.
When “I’m done.”
When I say “I’m done,” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say it, it simply just means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.
For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you; you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls. I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.
