Every year when December rolls around, social media is overwhelmed by millions of posts about how everyone is going to be "new" in the New Year. Why do people say that? Well, I am not really sure.

One thing is for sure: I've used that line a bunch of times. This year? Not so fast. I don't want to be "new". I want to be "me". I want to be Alyssa Kaye Dawson, whatever that entails. Of course, I want to be stronger, I want to be more successful, I want to be a better friend, a better listener, I want to grow, I want to learn... "New" implies that there was an "old" - "old" implies worn out and dysfunctional. I am not either of those things. Are there things I don't like about myself? Of course. But guess what? Those things make me, me. Those things you wish were different? They make you, you. Stop wishing them away. Accept your flaws. Accept your strengths. Accept your weaknesses. Just grow. Just adapt. Just enjoy what this life is because after all, we have no idea when it will be over.

2019 was another year of ups & downs, highs & lows. I experienced heartbreak, loss, love, a new career, new friends, and spent a lot of time searching for myself. Did I find myself? Maybe I did. Truth is, I don't know what it even means to "find myself." Maybe we spend too much time worrying about actually finding ourselves instead of just enjoying the ride that is life.

Here's how I picture it... imagine climbing Mount Kilamanjaro. You know there's a peak. You know there's an ultimate destination, but there's also a hell of a journey up the mountain. Now, imagine that peak is Heaven. Heaven is supposed to be beautiful. The top of Mount Kilamanjaro is supposedly breathtaking, but in order to get there, you have to climb 19,341 feet. Sounds grueling, right? Now picture the views as you climb the mountain. Also beautiful, I'm sure. Such is life. Grueling but beautiful. If we spend too much time focusing on the final destination, we can miss out on so much beauty. Of course, there is darkness along the way but every dark night ends and the sun rises again.

So as we enter a New Year, take a moment to reflect on your last trip around the sun. Think of all the experiences, all the ups, all the downs, all the love you gave and received, all the grueling days that you made it through, all the smiles, all the tears... don't wish for a "new" you. Instead, wish for another trip around the sun that brings you joy, sadness, growth, setbacks, new experiences, new friends...

After all, that is life, right? A long climb up a mountain to a final destination called Heaven (at least in my mind) - grueling, yet beautiful.

I vow not to "find myself" in 2020, but rather I will strive to enjoy all that makes me who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You have one life. Just. Live. It.