After typing the word “feminism” into the Merriam-Webster search engine, I was astonished. That’s it? No, it couldn’t be. Feminists are those radical hairy-legged man-haters. They’re the women that I see scoffed at every time the words “gender equality” and “women’s rights” enter a conversation. They’re over-reactors. I had already been given the definition of feminism based off the social constructs that surrounded me. The dictionary must be oversimplifying it.

The fact of the matter is, the definition is that simple. But it has been distorted enough to make me feel weird about saying the word feminist, and even weirder about even thinking about the idea of identifying as one.

To those who see feminism as some radical theory, I will admit that I understand. I thought so too. A Washington Post poll showed that it isn’t uncommon either. While 70% of respondents associated feminism with the word “empowering,” 43% also associated it with “angry.” We have a picture painted in our heads of fanatical, angry women who hate men, and families, and anything having to do with the stereotypical husband-wife dynamic (breadwinner vs bread...baker?). Feminists detest makeup and high heels! Those are for the pleasure of men! They say, grab a bottle of makeup remover at once and remove that man-made mask, for crying out loud! Resist! Resist!

And some women do say these things. But some women also enjoy wearing makeup. Some women do despise the patriarchal structure of society. And some don’t. Some want to be housewives, mothers, and caregivers. Some have no desire to change a dirty diaper at 2 a.m.—or ever. Some have no desire for men. There is no recipe for what a woman should be, or who a woman should be, or what they should do with their lives. That is all relative to the individual, and we must respect each person’s chosen path.

That being said, respecting each person’s path also applies to men, too, ladies. There are men in this world who demean women, hold them down, and actively promote a misogynistic environment. But there are also a lot of men (I know many) that are just, men. They’re just guys, trying to live their lives just like us girls. It is not your best friend’s older brother’s fault that your corporate boss told you that your skirt was “too long.” He did not give your boss a pat on the back and applaud his misogynistic comments. Your best friend’s older brother really did not have anything to do with that. (Well, unless your best friend’s older brother is your boss, but for the sake of this example let’s not go there.)

While eating my lunch a while back I heard two students (both female caucasians) talking about a feminist club or event that they were planning. I try not to eavesdrop but when I heard their passionate rhetoric, it was hard to not. Real feminists, I thought to myself. Live in action! What an interesting breed of human! But then one of the women said, “Oh my god, I hate white men. All of them.” The other responded, “I know, right? Disgusting.” They went on to discuss their disdain for these people at length.

Wait, what? All white men? Like, every single one? Your father? That pizza delivery dude at your door last night? Even Justin Timberlake?

In that moment I realized, that’s not the type of feminist I want to be. That overheard conversation completely contradicted the definition of feminism. “Equality of the sexes” goes both ways, and to be effective, we have to treat all of us equal, regardless of sex, gender, race or faith. We have to practice what we preach.

And I know, ladies. We’re fed up. We’re done. We’re sick of these goddamned men holding the power. I’m right there with you. But I think we need to tap into our maternal side, our most powerful side. Like our mothers, we must be loving, unconditionally supportive, but also know when to whip out a can of whoop ass. We have to smile, hug, speak inclusively, and talk to people with opposing views, but also know when to give them the look. You know, the look. The look your mother gave you in silence, before she sighed and walked away, leaving you in utter and complete guilt for acting like a spoiled brat after all she has done and sacrificed for you to have a better life.

But throwing around careless language will not have the positive impact we desire. In fact, it only diminishes this great movement. We must be articulate and level-headed. We must be educated, informed, and eager to ask and answer questions. We must embrace our womanly qualities. Embrace our maternal instincts. Embrace our sensitivity. Embrace the fact that men are strong in some ways, but that we are equally as strong in others. Embrace the fact that these two sexes are meant to balance one another out, not battle.

In that same Washington Post poll, only 43% of women said that they identify as a feminist. Furthermore, 50% of men said they did not. And that is understandable. We’re not taught to be feminists. But people should learn, and in order to teach this, us feminists need to lead by example.

This Wednesday, March 8, is International Women’s Day, and also will be “A Day Without Women,” a strike movement started by the Women’s March on Washington. Wearing the color red, women will not show up to work, and they will only buy products from women- or minority-owned businesses. It will be a powerful statement. But on March 9, when we go back to work, take off our red shirts and put our neutral wardrobe back in action, let’s embrace both the inevitable opposition and support alike.

We have an administration that is infringing on our liberties, and we must flex our freedom and fight. We have a president who is a proficient name-caller and spewer of negative rhetoric, which we must in turn combat with well-spoken and inclusive rhetoric. When we name-call and promote stereotypes, we really are no better than the opposition we face. We don’t want to be that kind of equal, do we?