Happy New Year! For 2017, I’ve decided to list these 7 themes that can help push back against things negativity, depression and sadness, anxiety, and a struggle to maintain mental health. I’ve been having a bit of a rough time lately. While I am usually not one to stick to resolutions, I was thinking about how well these seven ideas categorize concepts that I have the hardest time grappling with. While I fight hard to come to terms with the importance of these “resolutions” in my life, they are extraordinarily gratifying, and so worth the fight. These 7 are by far the most effective ideas for my own personal healing and growth. I hope sharing this can be of some help to the growth and recovery of others.
1. Mindfulness
Like every one of these resolutions does, this obviously takes practice, and I am definitely no expert. Mindfulness refers to the habit of being aware of the moment you are in presently, and appreciating this moment. I like to think about each of my moments, even at my worst, as a collection of instances that create my own personal timeline of recovery. At my most optimistic, I can believe that literally every moment alive is a pretty lucky one, which is actually true. Even if this moment feels royally awful, it’s just another sucky part of healing and growing that you must, and will, get through. It’s cliché, but I do think that every traumatic moment at rock bottom will trade in as your growth and strength at the top.I came to this idea of mindfulness from a really excellent book I’ve been reading, called “Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion.” I highly recommend it to all.
2. Self-Compassion
Here’s an ironic fact. Take someone who’s feeling awful about themselves and I will go above and beyond to comfort and nurture them back to health. I will tell them all of beauty I see in them that they can’t see in themselves. If this poor soul is me, however, I find it incredibly harder to be so sympathetic.
It is really important to try to step outside yourself when you’re feeling defeated and remember that you deserve sympathy and compassion and love. Give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack, love your broken self in that moment. Nurse yourself back to health and remind yourself that you deserve the break that you would give anyone else feeling so low.
3. Progress not Perfection
I recently found myself wondering why I am not already healed. Then I realized that this is ridiculous, as only some fictitious super human can be broken one day and perfectly fixed the next. As an excellent perfectionist (you might say I am perfect at being a perfectionist) it is unbelievable how many times I realize that I am measuring up to an unattainable standard that I’ve defined for myself. Especially when it comes to healing, it is vital to understand that progress is what’s important. Luckily, progress, at least in my kind and empathetic view, is really easy. Progress happens every day you survive. “You are what success looks like,” my best friend so often sooths me. You do not need to be perfect. Perfect isn’t even real, it’s made up and not realistic. You need only to strive to progress, to heal, and to grow every day, which I think is a pretty flexible goal. I think if you take a minute to look at yourself, you’ll find you progress in small ways every single day.
4. Compare Less, Appreciate You More.
I know this is so much harder to say than to do. Believe me, I really know. I struggle to avoid comparing myself against everyone I see and meet and interact with. I just thought I’d add this one to the list, because it’s important, even though it is way harder than these two little words, “compare less.” Someone recently told me that Amy Poehler wrote, in “Yes Please,” “Good for you, not for me.” Again, her motto is harder said than done, but it’s a great one. I think it’s a good mantra to try to repeat, especially in those times of unfortunate panic when you meet someone who appears, from your perspective, to have gotten their entire life together and left you straggling behind. Recently, I’ve been trying to focus on the ideal that just because someone has something cool going on in their life, it does not mean that it’s something that would be right for you anyway. It’s easy for me to get caught up in what we think we should aim for, based on what we think others are doing (more on that in #5). I’m practicing being happy for others and recognizing that my life is entirely separate and unique. This is helpful in preventing my descent into comparison-riddled panic and self-pity. “What is good for you isn’t always good for me:” repeat until you can self-love again.
5. Awareness & a Plan: Recognize what situations are tough on you, and know what to do to ease these triggers.
Like I touched on earlier, I tend to feel a lot of pressure from what I think others around me are doing and achieving. One of the tricky parts of this for me is that my college campus is filled with a lot of incredibly smart over-achievers, just like me. This only adds to the pressure I feel to compete with everyone around me, to compare myself against everyone around me, to be as good as everyone around me. It’s been really beneficial for me to recognize the fact that this college environment has contributed to my anxiety and perfectionism, because I can identify a somewhat logical source of my fears and worries. Knowing that this is a situation that can trigger my bouts of inadequacy helps me to realize that getting away from campus, in any way and for any amount of time, can be really productive and healing for me. It’s way to recognize that the anxiety I feel, within a tiny bubble of the population, is not reflective of my true reality and true value.
Another example of this is when I am studying in my room and I begin to feel pretty sucky about myself. It’s become easier and easier for me to recognize that my room is a place where I mix my studies and my emotions. Separating these two worlds makes my school productivity so much easier and so much less stressful. My home is a place to feel safe to release my emotions, which in turn can make it an emotionally-overwhelming space to work in.
By identifying the situations that cause you pain and suffering, I’ve found it can be easier to take the steps to cut off this pain and suffering.
6. Less Social Media
Un-fun fact: social media can cause depression. Speaking of comparison, over the break I’ve been trying my best, despite the addicting proliferation of animal videos, to limit my social media “binges.” The longer I spend on social media, often spiraling down an unhealthy path of stalking someone’s profile and admiring their “perfect life,” the sadder I become. It’s a pretty clear connection in my case. I think trying to cut down on time spent in this unhealthy world of comparison, competition, and inadequacy is a ideal way to heal, and to progress towards happiness and peace. Comparisons are a huge difficulty for me and social media really doesn’t do anything to slow down the availability of carefully constructed profiles to compare myself against. I’m always going to lose in this harsh and mean electronic world so I’m trying to stay out of the game…except for all those wonderful animal videos…
7. Take Care of Your Basic Needs
Here’s a pretty fundamental thing to know about me; if I’m headed down that disastrous path towards anxiety and depression, here’s a list of about four things that I might really really need right then and there: Food, Sleep, Distraction, Hot Shower. If I’m feeling awful, I’ve learned that it’s going to be hard to talk me out of it. What I really need, and what I think is an excellent recommendation for others who share this struggle with me, are to have my basic needs met. So often, I am just tired, or hungry, or just need to force myself away from my mind and my current situation. It’s pretty miraculous how effective meeting these needs can be. It’s pretty miraculous how overwhelmingly different and better I feel after sleep, or eating, or showering, or watching TV, or something happy like that.
Like I said from the start, I really hope anyone reading this piece can feel some guidance and encouragement from my belated New Year’s Eve Resolutions. These seven resolutions have been instrumental to my health and mental recovery, and I think they can inspire growth and healing in any person.
My sincere wishes for a resilient new year. Happy 2017, everyone.
