Why are we fed certain definitions of happiness? I hadn’t thought about this until I came to college. Maybe because I had all the things that would presumably make one content. Let me give you an example. If you don’t go out or host a party on a Saturday night, your birthday or a new year’s eve, you’re considered lonely. Why can’t we just spend time by ourselves? Why is it absolutely necessary to not only go to a party but also get sick wasted? This is how we are told to define fun. This year, let’s define fun in our own individual ways.

A few weeks ago, while watching a Bollywood reality TV show, my favorite Bollywood actor candidly declared how internally depressed he is because he’s single. The audience gasped in shock. They couldn’t believe someone like him could be single. I was confused by this reaction. It was as if he was made to feel depressed because of his single status. After scanning through random articles online, I realized that we have a serious obsession with being in a relationship to be considered truly happy. I was the most outspoken proponent of this until a few weeks ago. We are told that having a significant other completes us. If not complete but at least gives us someone to share all our problems with, rely on, care for and unconditionally love. To be very honest, it’s wonderful to be the center of attention for someone. However, it’s also amazing to be single. Both statuses have their pros and cons. For the past 2 years I was under the impression that unless I’m with someone, I’m incomplete. This makes one very dependent. However, when I entered the ‘single life’ I was befuddled and scared. All along I had been conditioned to praise relationships and crack ‘I’m so lonely, I want to die’ jokes about single people. Now I was single. It was horrifying. I was used to being called lucky back in school because I had a significant other. But now I was faced with a plethora of I’m single memes, taunts, and jokes. Of course, I felt extremely lonely for a while but I was also made to feel lonely. Why do we demean the single life so much? What’s wrong with focusing on our own interests and passions? Why do we desperately jump from one person to another in fear of being alone? I know I did. It just made me feel worse and more dependent. I felt jealous of the couples around me. Why was I alone? Was there something wrong with me?

I was lucky enough to have a mature and understanding group of friends to make me look beyond the cracks of a broken relationship. If only we could channel all that obsession, desire and need to be with someone to working on ourselves, we would be much happier.

This year, don’t let other people define love, happiness, and fun. Make your own definitions. We all live different lives and have different experiences so why diverge from our path to prove to the world that we are happy in the conventional sense? Be happy for your friends with significant others, help your drunk friends reach hope safely, watch a movie alone on your birthday and spread the unconditional love that you so want to give to someone else.

This year, do you.