New Year's Eve sucks. It's overhyped and under-awesome. Here is definitive, scientific proof that it's the worst (aka there's 2 pros and a million cons).

Pros:

1.Getting Fancy

Tis the season to look like a glitter bomb went off.

2. Champagne

(Sorry, Mom.)

That's it - end of the pro list. I challenge you to think of more, because I literally could not come up with a single other pro.

And now a million cons:

(Or, seven….)

1. The Hype.

What everyone says it will be like (so much for FOMO):

When it's a lot closer to this:

2. Resolutions.

I did not sign up for a long public discussion of what I’m currently bad at.

Random people are now allowed to ask about your resolution? Might as well go: “Hey, what are you upsettingly inadequate at just so I know to judge you when you don’t follow through on fixing it?”

3. Massive crowds.

People are horrible, particularly in high concentrations.

4. Massive crowds of drunk idiots.

Public urination and/or puking is not okay. It has never been okay; it will never be okay. And yet, on New Year's Eve, hella people seem to think they have a pass on this very important rule.

5. Being underage.

I WANNA GO OUT. How different is 20 from 21, for God's sake?!?!

6. Waiting for fireworks.

Okay, I like fireworks, I’m not dead inside. But when has standing in the cold, only to have most of the fireworks obscured in clouds (or fog, if you’re from the bay) been worth it?

7. The midnight kiss.

Third-wheeling (or ninth-wheeling; yes, I've ninth-wheeled):

And being pressured to kiss some rando when this is really the only kiss I want:

I could keep going, because NYE sucks. Happy New Year, and remember we'd all be better off hanging out with our cats.