The new year sparks a time of change in people: a new beginning, a clean slate, a fresh start. Many make New Year's resolutions in an effort to somehow better themselves. What is a resolution? In simple terms, a resolution is a goal, and for the new year; the most common goals tend to be to lose a bit of weight, let things go, stay present in the moment, or spend more time with loved ones. People put off a "new year, new me" type of atmosphere that emanates motivation, eagerness, and willingness to change. But it's not the person themselves that they are changing; rather, it's an aspect of themselves that they do not like.

I think, though, in order to do that (or at least stick to it), one really needs to know who he or she really is.

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Things That I Am Still Learning About Myself

When I Was Sixteen

I’m not one for making resolutions; in fact, I find them rather silly. If you’ve wanted to do something for a long time, why not do it when you wanted to? You are able to make changes at any time of day, week, or month, let alone a new year. But hey, if you’re gonna make a resolution I won’t knock you for it. Good on you – you have my full support. I do think, however, that a new year calls for a self-reflection, which is something that I certainly do.

When I was in elementary school, I was told by my teachers to “never change.” They would say this with a huge smile on their faces, and I would hold my head up high and smile back at them proudly, telling them I wouldn’t. What I didn't know, however, was that I was still just a little ball of Play-Doh, still waiting to be shaped into something. Of course I was going to change -- I was going to change a lot.

In middle school and high school, I was told to make sure I had a good head on my shoulders and to start thinking about who I wanted to be and the type of person that I wanted to be. High school also added, “You need to know who you are now, or otherwise you will be torn apart in college.” That got in my head, so by the time I graduated, after a tiny struggle to try to find myself, I thought I had figured out who I was. In doing that, though dramatically changing in some areas, I thought I had stayed pretty true to the kid that I was when I was very young. I, previously being that ball of Play-Doh, was now formed into a person, but I was nothing more than a plain figure.

When the time came to search for the college that I would eventually attend for an undergraduate degree, I spent a lot of time on the Internet. The first thing I remember seeing when I looked at various schools' websites were student testimonials. They would read, “(blank) really helped me discover who I am,” or “(blank) taught me so much about myself.” I didn’t think much about it other than it was a common theme among every site that I visited. That, and I already knew who I was. So why focus on that?

I’ve admitted before that my first year of college was a struggle for me. About two or three months into my first semester of college, I questioned everything about myself – what I believed in, what I thought was right, etc. Whenever I found myself thinking about these kinds of things, I realized that I was wrong in high school, and that there were many things in the world and in life that I still needed to experience to help shape who I am. So two heavy questions popped into my head: Who am I? What or who have I become?

I let those questions haunt the back of my mind for a while; at the time I was struggling with schoolwork while holding onto the frayed strings of relationships with people that I didn’t want to grow out of just yet. I essentially went from being a person to being a robot, only doing what I had to do to get by. As time continued to move forward and as things began to settle down some, I took more and more time for myself. In an attempt to learn about myself, I let a lot of things go; I spent time doing what I love the most; I broke myself down in order to be rebuilt. I turned myself back into a little ball.

Looking back on all of that now, I started the year 2015 in a gray area where the unknown lurked. I didn’t have the slightest clue as to who I was or what I was doing or who I was becoming. Being that little ball, I aimlessly rolled around. Over the course of that year I spent a good amount of time trying to crawl and climb my way out of that gray area, and there were times when I was able to make it out, and there were other times where I was forced back into it. But even when I was in those gray areas I was still trying to learn and rebuild myself.

I would consider 2015 a needed “selfish” year, where I pushed a lot of things away and focused solely on myself, consciously learning what I like and don’t like, what sets me off and what doesn’t, among many other things. I figured out the basics -- the foundation -- of who I am. By the end of the year, I was sculpted into that plain figure again, but this time with minor details and a base.

So now, for 2016, I have something to go off of. I’m ready for growth and progression. I hope to discover more things about myself and continue to be made into the person that I was meant to be so that way for 2017, when I have another self-reflection, I can proudly say that I know more about who I am.

Those student testimonials now just make me think -- that’s what we’re supposed to do. Most people in college are just hitting their 20s, which is the prime time in trying to figure out who you are. Of course those testimonials would say that. But regardless of whether they went to those schools or not, they would have discovered themselves somewhere, some way or another.

I still have no idea who I am, and honestly, I don’t think that I will ever come to know absolutely everything about myself before I turn thirty. I am a person. And as a person, I am constantly growing, learning, and changing. My plain Play-Doh figure will have more details and features added to it over time, but as long as I have my base, I know I will be OK.