Looking back, I made one major mistake when I started school at Emory. I compared myself too much to my peers and subconsciously convinced myself that if I didn't keep up with them then that automatically made me less of a student than they were. If I didn't keep up or get the grades they were getting I was somehow unfit to be at a school like Emory with them. Each time I compared myself I somehow convinced myself that I was inferior in some way. That mindset started to stick, I am started feeling overwhelmed by the comparisons and trying to pursue my two majors.
I had convinced myself that I need to go straight from my undergrad to medical school without taking a year off, but I also wanted to finish undergrad in four years. All the built-up pressure I had on myself began to pile up until last semester it began to all fall to pieces. I had overloaded myself on classes for three semesters straight and I was unhappy most days, to say the least. The struggle that I found myself having every day was knowing in my heart what my end goal for myself was, but hating the current process I was going through to get there.
I knew I needed to figure out a regrouping plan. The first step I took was just pushing through to get to the end of the last semester. It wasn't pretty but I made it. Next step was I dropped half the classes I was originally going to take and added a few classes that really interested me like a psychology class in child development and biology and anthropology class about food and culture. Within the switching around I made sure to keep myself at the normal number of credit hours. The final step (that is still an ongoing process) was and is reminding myself constantly that I know the career path that I feel called to be in, and that it doesn't matter how long it takes me to get there, the important thing is that I get there.
I shadowed a pediatrician over the break and when I asked him about his overall school experience he told me "the nights are long, but the years are short". I did a lot of thinking after he said that and remember that has been a daily encouragement. Yes, right now shifting my schedule around and adding a year between degrees seems crazy and was not my plan at all when I came to college, when I am on the other side of this doing what I love and am called to do, this blip that seems to be throwing my world for a loop will just be remembered as a slight inconvenience or even a huge blessing. I need to be remembering that my plan is not necessarily the best plan when it comes to anything, but especially when it comes to my future.
