This week I began a new journey in my life. I ventured into a new realm of employment. I'll save you the boring details of my new job, this article will be more about the feelings someone goes through when starting new employment.

And, boy, were there feelings aplenty. First day jitters, long term uneasiness, pretty much nervousness abound. That's not to mention the fact that I've also left a job I had for four years, and had to say goodbye to so many friends, which left me in a even more emotional state. Yep, changing a career may just be one of the most affecting instances someone can go through. It's changing the ebb and flow of your daily life. It's opening yourself up to new experiences, as well as possible decisions you may come to regret.

My last day at my previous job was a sentimental one. It was the normal every day work experience, nothing too different about the job itself. But every co-worker who came up to me, every person who had shared experiences with me, they all came up to me at one point or another to say their goodbyes. Some even said goodbye over and over. It's safe to say that I was well known and well liked at this job. I've had many jobs over the years, but this one was always different. I felt at home. I could always count on the people there to make my day better. I never once felt out of place, and I will be forever thankful to my co workers for allowing me that.

I was an emotional wreck on my final night. I hid it well, I dodged the obvious emotional bait decently, but every now and again I found myself looking around and wondering what it would be like to not walk in these halls, not see these faces. I had made a good number of friends there that I would take with me for the rest of my life, but I'm quite sure that no matter how hard I try, I'll lose touch with some very good people. It's a hard thing to understand for people who always hate their jobs, people who come home and are consistently upset about their day. I'm not trying to say that those people don't have valid feelings or concerns, but I just feel bad for someone who doesn't get to enjoy the employment experience that I did. But alas, my time there had to end. As per the usual case in life, it came down to money, and a financial decision was made.

So now comes Monday morning. My first day at my new job. I had completed all the necessary paperwork the week before, and all I had to show was show up for orientation and begin my training. The night before, I got very little sleep. I never sleep well the night before starting a new job. It's such a big step. I'll be meeting so many new people and in a place so unknown, so my mind tends to linger on nervousness all night. Thankfully I got some sleep, and woke up ready to go. An interesting mix of excitement and sheer panic pulsed through my veins. Driving into my first day, all I could think about where all the ways I could screw this up. I really need to do well at this job, and I want to give it everything I have, but my natural state of mind always reverts back to my insecurities. I've made employment mistakes in the past, and I'm scared to repeat them. What if I'm not good enough? What if my new managers see my obvious lack of qualifications the first moment I step through the door?

I arrive at my first day way too early. Another nervous habit. Thankfully one of the best perks about my new employment is that I can listen to my favorite sports talk radio host in the morning, so I spent about a half hour trying to distract myself from the utter terror that raged inside my mind. I ate a snack or two (I completely skipped breakfast, because of course), and when the time came, I began the trek inside. My new job consists inside a massive corporate campus, and I got a little lost trying to find exactly where I was to go. An obvious nervous side effect, my mind pulling me in all directions. Thankfully a kind soul I came across pointed me straight, and I found the building I needed. I then found the room I needed.

Now, I was still about 20 minutes early to when I had to arrive, so I figured I would be one of the first ones there (my new employer hires people in large groups, so I knew I'd be apart of a large training class). NOPE. As my eyes come upon my training room, I quickly realize I'm one of the last ones to arrive. PANIC. Obviously I'm not capable of performing this job. All these people look smarter and more professional then I'll ever be. Each and every one of them probably has a better background and education in the field and position I'll be trying to impersonate. They must be laughing at me on the inside. They see this kid, walking in late, obviously not prepared, clearly not eligible for this employer. I take one of the final seats available to me, and prepare for the worst.

Our trainer arrives exactly on time. I'd met her before since she was the one who hired me, but no friendly face could save this oncoming traumatic experience. She welcomes the group and explains to us what our first day will look like. But before we do that, she'd like us to speak to the entire group and tell everyone a little bit about themselves. Now for those of you who know me well, you'll now that public speaking is something I never shy away from. I think of myself as a performer, and usually nothing will get in the way of me and an audience. Except this. Except this morning, on this day, at this time. My heart sinks deep into my chest, for I know that if I open my mouth, all my self-doubt and uncertainty will come tumbling out. Thankfully, a few people would have to speak before me (with how we were sitting in the room), so I had time to come up with some excuse as to why I can't speak (vocal surgery seemed pretty competent).

The first gentleman who speaks is a man in either is late 40s or early 50s. He looks professional, seems in the right place, and begins to tell everyone about himself. About halfway through his story, he pauses, and looks at the entire group. In that very moment, he proceeds to tell us all that he completely hates public speaking, and is incredibly nervous about starting this new job, one that he desperately needs. All around the room people nod their head in agreement. Some even echo his words out of turn by stating that they too are nervous and are thrilled that someone else said it. Our trainer then attempts to quell everyone's anxiety by calming and efficiently showing us that there's nothing to fear, that our first few days will be extremely simple, that everyone is afraid of starting somewhere new and meeting new people. Of course I had known all of this before, but someone it wasn't until I heard those words that I let my insecurities go. I loosened up. I realized that no one moment in life is so important that you have to work yourself up that much about it. When it came to be my turn to speak, I was the usual cool calm and collected Kyle Shuff. I had those people eating out of the palm of my hand, just like always.

Everyone gets nervous. Every single person who's ever existed feels anxiety, especially when doing something new like starting a new job. I guess I always thought myself immune to it, but my experience on my first day of this employment waked me up to it again. But I'm happy it did, because it reminded me of my humanity. So next time you've got a big moment coming up in your life, especially if it's one that will be shared by others who probably will be feeling the exact same level of nervousness that you are, relax. Don't hold yourself to such a high standard. You're going to make mistakes in life, but none greater than the mistakes you're afraid to make.