I almost feel embarrassed to be writing after a point of it being so many months without.

I'm 100% guilty of stopping things that make me happy or have made me happy. To be honest I have no excuse for stopping things that I love, except for the fact that life has gotten in the way and I am just straight-up busy.

I keep giving myself excuses for why I can't do things. I'm either too busy or don't have enough time or too tired or can't think of any ideas. I just need to stop saying and start doing.

There's a quote that has been in the back of my mind for quite a few months now. I don't know who said it or where it even came from but it's stuck with me now.

Don't stop until you're proud.

I feel like that's a saying we can all benefit from. It's easy to do things day by day and impress other people along the way. It's way more difficult to do things because you want to and be proud of the end result.

Since hearing this quote, I feel like I've seen it everywhere. I feel like it's always around me in my daily tasks of if I'm not proud of what I'm doing, why am I doing this?

Right now, I'm not proud of where I am or of what has happened. It's been almost three months since I've written an article. It's been five months since I've consistently written articles. So for five months, I've given myself excuses day in and day out for why I can't get this one thing done.

In October 2018, I took over as the Editor-In-Chief for my Odyssey community. I was ecstatic, I was excited and I felt ready to take over the role and be more of a leader for my community. And for a few months, it really was. For a lot of months, it was.

In February 2019, I got accepted into the Disney College Program (article coming soon!). Since then, I started to become way more lenient on myself when it came to submitting articles and hitting deadlines. It's as if I used this new adventure in my life to be an excuse for things I now could no longer get done.

To my team specifically, I'm sorry I haven't lived up to your expectations. I'm sorry I haven't lived up to my expectations. I'm sorry I haven't made editing for the Odyssey and being your leader an expectation. I'm sorry I haven't shown my effort of commitment to all of this.

This is not the leader I want to be.

Now it's September 2019 and I feel like it's too late to change or fix anything. But there's that saying somewhere that always reads it's never too late. So right now, I'm sticking with that and telling myself it's not too late.

I need to stop saying all the things I can't do because I don't have time, and start actually doing them. It's getting to a point where I'm frustrating myself with how much I've pushed aside the things I love for absolutely no reason.

I'm not stopping, because I'm not proud.
And I'm going to start doing exactly what I've been saying.