This week, my fourth friend from high school passed away. My fourth friend. People my age, people who I walked the halls with, and said hi to everyday, and gossiped about, and gossiped with, people who were my friends.
Each time, it has gotten harder and harder, but this one hit like a brick.
She was my age. We went to elementary and middle school together. She was the popular girl, but never acted like it. She was kind, generous, compassionate, and overall, a great person. She had a smile that lit up any room and made you feel special when she would say hi and ask you how you were. It didn't feel fake or like an everyday encounter: it was genuine.
I haven't talked to this girl since the middle of high school. Probably about four years ago, and even then, we probably said hi, asked how school was, and then moved on from the conversation.
But when I heard she has passed away, I felt my breath leave my body. I felt my heart start to race, my eyes get hot, and my hands start to shake. My mom saw something was wrong. She did the same when I showed her the line of text messages from friend's telling me that she had passed away.
And she was the fourth.
Four times now, I have had to get text messages about my friends passing away. The first three were hard, but this one was harder. This girl came to my house and I went to her's. We played together as kids, went to each other's birthday parties, had classes together. I knew her. She wasn't just someone I went to high school with. She was a friend.
Today, I am promising that I will never take a day for granted again. I will never hold a grudge. I will never deny forgiveness. I will never go to bed angry. I will never turn my back on a friend or a family member. I will never take a day for granted again.
Today, I am promising that I will treat every day as a gift. I will wake up with a smile on my face and go to bed with an even bigger one. I will tell my friends and family that I love them every time I see them. I will live every day to the fullest. I will show God's grace to anyone I cross paths with. I will be true to who I am and what I believe. I will treat every day as a gift.
I will cry when I need to cry. I will scream when I need to scream. I will laugh when I want to laugh and I will smile when my heart is full of the most pure happiness. I will be genuine and true to how I feel.
Today, I look back at these four friends and I want to break down in tears. I want to scream at the sky and ask God why them and why now, but I know I will never get the answers I want to hear. Yes, even Christians get frustrated with "the plan."
None had the chance to say goodbye, patch their dissolved relationships, or heal their broken hearts. All were gone in an instant. No warning, no time to make things right, or tell their loved ones just how much they love them. Just like that, they were gone.
All I can think is, what if death looked at me straight in the face tonight and said, you have one week; what would I do? The answer: too much. Which is why I'm done wasting my time. I'm done saying I'll do it next week or next month or when I graduate or when I'm married because what if I don't even make it to tomorrow?
All I can do is do exactly what Tim McGraw tells us all to do, live like we are dying.
So to my four friends, I promise you here and now: I will never take a day for granted.
