It hurt more than I thought it would.
I thought things would go back to the way they were before I met you. Before the way you looked at me with your green-blue eyes, before you got mad at me for messing your hair up, before I loved the way you poked fun at me.
I thought this would be like any other sort of separation- if I just gave it a little time, we would be back to friends and doing homework together, just like any other weeknight. I thought I would be able to look at you and just see a friend and be able to smile at an inside joke we shared.
I thought lots of things, but maybe I thought wrong.
I can't look at you without thinking you were my "could've, should've, would've" been. I can't look at you without wishing I had tried just a little bit harder, maybe not been so distracting, and shown you just how much I cared for you. I can't look at you without my stomach dropping down to my feet or my heart rising up into my throat.
There were a lot of things I hadn't considered until you walked out of my life.
Who would be there to keep me on my toes? Who would make me buckle down and focus on homework? What you never knew is that I could never focus because the thought of you was always on my mind. Now, you never will know.
I had never thought about what it would be like to see you and feel a sense of panic. I never thought about what an impact you were making on me until you were gone. I never thought about how the few weeks we had spent would turn into distant memories almost as quickly as "we" started.
Before we met, I didn't know what I was doing- I was carefree. You helped me focus on my goals, and although you probably don't even know it, you made one of the biggest positive impacts on me.
I never thought about how a song could bring back so many memories, and how listening to it now breaks my heart almost as much as when I see you.
I never would have thought about taking advantage of your availability and kindness.
I had forgotten what it felt like to be appreciated and cared for, and you helped me remember. For a while, I had high hopes for what we could've been.
I didn't associate the past with your name; I anticipated the future.
A month of memories flew by, and I guess after all, things weren't meant to be. From the moment I met you, you changed how I saw the world. Now even though you've left me, your vision still remains in the back of my mind.
I never thought about exactly how much you meant to me and how much I would miss you in my life. You can believe me when I say that now, I can't stop thinking about it.
