I am an introvert. Anyone who knows me can tell you so.
I’m incredibly shy. I don’t like large groups of people. I don’t like parties. I don’t like to talk to people that I don’t know. I especially don’t like to talk to strangers. I’d much rather curl up in my bed with a book and a cup of tea, or Netflix and hot chocolate. I spend most of my Friday nights alone in my apartment. Most of my weekends too. I hope that that isn’t a bad thing.
Now this doesn’t mean I avoid people entirely; I greatly enjoy hanging out with people, so long as there’s no more than three others besides me. Being part of a group of four is putting pressure on my comfort zone. I think my favorite way to be with people is with two others. With one other person, when I don’t know what to say, it gets awkward. Additionally, half of the responsibility of maintaining conversation falls on my shoulders. With two additional people, it’s only a third. When I don’t know what to say, there’s someone to cover my back. Groups of three are the way to go for me.
But this still doesn’t answer the question posed by the title: Why don’t I ever talk to you? First off, don’t take it personally. I don’t mean it personally. I just find it too nerve-wracking to send a message to someone I’m not extremely comfortable with. What if they are busy? What if they don’t want to talk to me? I’m probably annoying them. They are probably busy. This is what runs through my head when I contemplate whether or not I want to send a text, invite someone for dinner, or even check up on how someone’s doing.
The result: I don’t send the text.
I will sometimes contemplate for days whether or not I should send a message. It can take that long to build up the courage to speak to someone. Then when I do, I stress until they reply. It’s a bit ridiculous, I know. But I don’t know how to change it. That’s who I am.
Speaking to people in person is a whole ‘nother story. I can’t contemplate for days whether or not I should say hi. I just have to do something. Usually, I just say “Hi” and shuffle away. I don’t usually have something to say. Small talk does not come naturally to me. I mean, seriously, we can all see that it’s raining outside… We don’t need to talk about the weather. Anyways, back on track here. When I see someone I know while walking around, I pull my hat farther on my head, and hope that they don’t recognize me. I don’t want that awkward conversation to happen. Unless you walk directly past me, or yell my name, I probably will pretend I didn’t see you.
Even if you are really close friends with me, I may not speak to you for months. Don’t take it personally. I just haven’t come up with anything that I absolutely must tell you. I don’t hate you. I haven’t forgotten you. Don’t worry. I absolutely want to interact with you; I just don’t want to instigate it. If you want to talk to me, talk to me. Don’t wait for me to talk to you. That could be a very long wait.
Basically, I don’t talk to you because I’m too shy to. I don’t talk to anyone. Nothing personal. But you all should feel free to start a conversation with me. I relish thoughts and ideas. I’m also open to speaking about whatever you need to talk about. To those of you that I do speak to on a regular basis, you’re pretty special. (In a good way.)
Hit me up!
