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7 Things To Never Say To Someone With Anxiety

We can't help that we worry about everything, don't make it worse.

Bailey Beauchamp

Nov 21, 2018

Florida State University

163

Pexels

I have struggled with severe anxiety for a little over a year now.

In high school I was somehow able to balance and cope with all of the stress around me -- literally, everything from dual enrolling at a local community college, AP courses, cheerleader, Student Body President, and an active member of several clubs along with countless other tasks and involvements.

However, once college began I just wasn't able to keep everything running smoothly the way I used to. My anxiety became debilitating. It took me hours to even start an assignment because I would have to sit and think about exactly how I was going to prepare everything. I was unable to make a lot of friends because it took at least three times of someone else asking me to hang out for me to even consider going and even then I was unsure if they actually liked me or not. I couldn't function. I felt like I couldn't do anything.

What made it even worse you might ask?

That's an easy answer.

What people said to me to "try and make me cheer up".

1. Can you please stop worrying about everything?

No, actually, I can't.

When you ask a person with anxiety to stop worrying about everything you truly only make the anxiety worse. Now we're worried that you don't like us or that we're being annoying. Chances are we'll shut down and start internalizing all of our worry and stress and feel even worse.

~friendly alternative~ I noticed you've been worrying about a lot of things lately, is there anything I can do to help?

2. There is no reason to be worrying right now!

Okay, cool?

We already (deep, deep down) know that there is no real reason to be so worried about something, but we are and we seriously CANNOT HELP IT. You commenting like that and invalidating us and our feelings makes us feel unimportant and annoying.

~friendly alternative~ Do you want to talk out what's going on? I'm always here for you.

3. Why do you worry so much?

Idk? When you find out maybe lmk?

We don't know and we can't help it! Please, for the love of all that is good, stop making us feel bad about things that are out of our control.

~friendly alternative~ Hey, I noticed that you've been worrying more lately. Is something going on? Can I help?

4. What is so hard about making a decision?

There are times when there are so many things swirling around in my brain, that the thought of having to decide where I want to eat dinner truly makes me want to vomit. Other times I think too much about each option in order to pick the best one. I can't play my favorite song in the car with my friends because I'm worried they'll hate it and think I'm weird for playing it.

~friendly alternative~ When your friend with anxiety asks you to make a decision for them please just do it. You will be saving them so much stress.

5. Get it together already!

Do you think we want to live with anxiety? Do you think we enjoy it? Spoiler alert: We don't.

We want to be able to "get it together". You telling us that we need to reminds us of how far from the finish line we are and pushes us back even more. There is nothing more degrading or demeaning than a person reminding me of how my anxiety cripples me.

~friendly alternative~ Is there anything I can do to help you today?

6. You're being annoying.

Yeah? Well, so are you.

Sometimes we need to try on 15 outfits before we leave. Sometimes we need to deep clean our room before watching a movie with you. Sometimes we need extra attention, time or support.

~friendly alternative~ Sit down and wait quietly. Ask "hey, do you need any help?"

7. Can't you take a pill or go to therapy or something? Geez!

Is there really an explanation needed for this one?

This is so insulting and so degrading.

The person that you just said that to probably already takes medication or goes to counseling or practices some alternate form of coping. You just embarrassing them and made them feel that whatever they're doing isn't working. You made them more aware of how other people view their anxiety. You made them uncomfortable.

~friendly alternative~ Hey how are you doing lately? I just want you to know that I'm always here for you if you need to talk. Also, if you think that you need more help that I can give let me know and I'll be happy to go to the doctor with you.

Mental illness is so so real.

The feelings are real and we can't help it.

There are so many nice ways to say the things you're trying to say.

We need you and we love you!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

7 Things To Never Say To Someone With Anxiety

We can't help that we worry about everything, don't make it worse.

1. Can you please stop worrying about everything?

2. There is no reason to be worrying right now!

3. Why do you worry so much?

4. What is so hard about making a decision?

5. Get it together already!

6. You're being annoying.

7. Can't you take a pill or go to therapy or something? Geez!

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For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

Who isn't stressing out over finals right now?

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