"No. Let us in."

With that statement, my head began playing the end credits to my life.

As I stared as those two impressionable young men, looking back at me with finely-tuned blunts in their mouths, I considered their four-word answer to my question, asked a few seconds before:

"Do you guys work with the super?"

How did this happen? From recalling that afternoon's discussions with Paul The Washington Square Park pigeon man, to these two Marijuana Marauders aggressively banging on my windows at 11:45 pm to get my attention, the street deader than Macaulay Culkin's career?

I was trapped in that ground-floor basement apartment, kitchen windows facing the alleyway leading to my front door. That same alleyway now occupied by these men. And no escape routes to the building's main entrance.

"Okay," I squeaked out before heading to my living room like ish was okay. Free from their chronic-induced view, I took out my Kali martial arts sticks. These cats were getting ready to break those windows and kill me. Might as well go out like a boss and kill them too. Even though my body was shaking like I had Tourettes.

Some folks had entered and jacked my X-Box 360 and laptop a few days before. My super had warned me people were always loitering in my alleyway while I was gone. Wanna bet these hombres had something to do with that?

Anyways, it was time for me to find out if God was real or not, and, if so, how hard he was gonna kick me to Hell for all the times I proudly mocked him and his son.

Or not. The banging soon stopped and the dudes left. I presume they knew I would write this in advance and wanted my Christian family to see this blasphemy. Thank y'alls.

Thus ended my first crazy month at 33 Baldwin Avenue in Jersey City-the first official apartment I'd ever signed a lease for-and introduction to Hudson County. I'd made the move in October 2014, and never looked back. And given how things are here, it's gonna stay that way.

Forget me breaking the unspoken New Yorker rule: NEVAR go to Jersey....unless you're burying a body there. The past 21 months here have shown me that there's new life beyond NYC.

I love coming to Manhattan for work and knowing that by day's end, I'm not hopping that subway with eight milli lives spreading to Gotham's other corners. Instead, I'm taking that much cleaner, faster PATH train in the other direction. Yeah, I do miss the grime and seeing public bowel releases on those orange bucket seats at rush hour. But that's in my past.

That clogged up air, the cramped streets, I never really realized how constricting it was until I moved here. Jersey City air might just be the cleanest anywhere near the Hudson River. I can't verify that for a fact, and I don't feel like being a good journo right now, so one of you check up on that.

The streets here might have more roadkill than in the city.

-On that note, holla at the dead raccoon that crossed my bike path last year near Greenville. The one with the popped out eyes. If you can hear this, and Animal Heaven is real, give me a sign, won't ya?-

But damn it if they don't seem more peaceful than Queens Boulevard's offerings.

The city parks here have NO closing times. And you can see cute skunks walking through them!

Not to mention, I have the luxury of living near the city without actually living in it. This must be what it's like to live in Woodlawn. Or Staten Island.

Then there's the main reason I made the switch. It's just sooo much cheaper to live here while close to NY. Apartments in Jersey City can run for as little as $700/month. I'm paying slightly more for my apartment in the city's awesome Heights section on a much higher floor than the last one, of course.

So while all you lames make fun of me for living in America's wasteland, I'm lapping it up in my own space, while you burn $1,200/month to cram into crackerboxes with roomies in some jaunt off Jefferson Street.

And since Jersey is NYC's begotten son, that even the most enthusiastic Pabst Blue Ribbon supporter wouldn't touch, it's gonna stay affordable for a long time.

Don't get me wrong, though. I've taken considerable time exploring Jersey City's lovely offerings, from July 4th celebrations at Liberty State Park to that epic Monopoly floorboard in Newark Avenue's pedestrian plaza. I'm set to explore a lot more before this year is up. After all, if you're gonna move to a new area, might as well take in the full experience of its surroundings, and not front like it was nothing before you arrived.

I'm staying put in Hudson County for a looong time. And barring a miracle, I'm never moving back to NYC. I'll always have a place in my heart for those five boroughs, but they're not where my head's at now.

Yeah. I'm a Joisey boy. Get at me.