Hey Girl! I'm Not Joining Your Damn Pyramid Scheme | The Odyssey Online
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Student Life

Hey Girl! I'm Not Joining Your Damn Pyramid Scheme

Hey girl! I just want to say, I think your profile is SO cute too, and you're just SO pretty too, but for the love of God get out of my direct messages.

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https://unsplash.com/photos/nMffL1zjbw4
https://unsplash.com/photos/nMffL1zjbw4

The concept of a pyramid scheme is simple. Money is made by higher members because they recruit new members below them to bring more money. The more people below you, the higher you go, and the more money you make. Pyramid schemes fall apart when the market is saturated and new people stop joining.

That's it. Just because the pyramids in Egypt have lasted thousands of years doesn't mean yours won't come crumbling down. Those were built from a stone on a solid foundation, yours is built from "emojis dropped in the comments" on a foundation of gullible people with an extra $50.

I know what you're thinking, "This is my BUSINESS, not this scheme you're describing" but if that's true, why are you messaging me to recruit me as a new member to bring in more money while you, a higher member, get to go higher and make more money? Please review the previous paragraph describing how a pyramid scheme works if you're still confused.

If you're a stranger in my Instagram direct messages trying to get me to buy something or join, just know that I want to tell you to fuck off. My ego appreciates the compliments you gave me copied and pasted into the message. I'm sure you're very nice. I'm sure you don't really mean any harm. You're just trying to save yourself in this scheme you've joined. But really, fuck off.

If you're a family member or a friend trying to get me to join, if you love me please stop. I'm begging you. Your Christmas card is probably hanging on my fridge but if you ask me one more time if I want to buy your product I will be forced to move a magnet over your face. I could never put a price on how much I value our relationship, but if I had to, I'd estimate it at just below whatever your cheapest item is.

You would make a great business person if you were part of an actual business someday. But in the meantime, do literally anything else but this and leave me alone.

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