This is a powerful, resonating piece that was recently sent to me by one of my close friends, Ivy Mills. This piece truly struck a chord in me, because once upon a time, I was in the same spot that she writes about here. I was forever the perpetual side chick, and it left me feeling inadequate and unloved. We all know how it feels to not be a priority, and that's why it's very important that this be shared with the world.

I honestly cannot decide what hurts more - getting dumped by a guy, or never being his first choice to begin with. Lately, the second situation seems to strike the strongest chord with me. Not being the first choice. What does that mean?

Well, it means that there was a guy you were "talking" to and you thought he was just, awesome. The sun shined out of his ass and he was God's gift to the world... your world. He didn't feel the same way about you, but stuck around because he knows he can always go back to you. Until the day that he inevitably finds someone that is worth his time and feelings. Then, he sort of fades out of your life, leaving you in the dust... feeling absolutely broken and confused as to where you went wrong.

You come to the conclusion that he never was 100% about you. Hell... he probably wasn't even 50% about you. You were just an option, or even one of many options. You were never, and probably never will be, his first choice.

I am no stranger to this song and dance. I have counted each step, perfected every turn, having this routine committed to memory. It always ends the same - my partner runs off the stage half-way through, leaving me alone in the spotlight, feeling a multitude of emotions.

I find myself dwelling on the situation any time of the day or night. The thoughts always sound the same.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Did he ever care about me at all?"

"Will we ever speak again?"

"Should I even speak to him again?"

The worst part is, not only do I know I would give in again, but the guy knows I will, too. They know how desperate you are, and they know that even if they stop talking to you, you will let them back in without even thinking about it. Lord knows I've done this more than once.

My door may not always be fully closed. It is cracked, letting that person know that even though I've left them alone, I didn't forget about them.

And that I almost hope they would come back.

So, they start Snapchatting you once in awhile, sometimes answering, but mostly just leaving your snap opened. They like a dozen or so of your pictures on Instagram, letting you know that they look at your profile. Then one day... out of the blue... just when you think you're over them... they message you.

"What's up, stranger?"

"Long time no see."

Or even as simple as just..."Hey."

Like they didn't just ghost you for five or six months and left you a heartbroken mess.

But what do you do? Better yet, what do I personally do? I indulge them. I reply back, which is exactly what they want.

Even if you just say "Hey" back. Even if you're rude to them. Even if you break down first message in, asking why they just disappeared from your life...that's what they wanted. Your reply back is their opening to slither their way back into your life. They are able to manipulate your feelings with bullshit excuses and a sprinkle of sweet talk. Next thing you know, you are back in the cycle again. All because of the notion you have formed in the back of your head - that they realized what they were missing out on... and that, this time, you are their first choice.

It is very sad, but this is just not the case.

You are not the first choice. You may not even be the second or the third.

Whatever or whoever they were investing their time in before didn't work out. However, that's okay with him. He still has you, and/or his slew of options, to take him right back.

There are situations, though, where they never come back. Or that you even end up together.

Either way, you're always going to have that burning desire to hit him up, call him every single name in the book, and question why you weren't good enough. Why he did what he did. Why he came back, or why he never came back.

And you know what's going to happen? He's going to leave you on read. Or he is going to lie to you. Or... he is going to call you "crazy " and never speak to you again. In these kinds of situations, you are owed no apologies or explanations. Your feelings are invalid and do not matter. Because you were never official. It was just a fling.

I don't know what is more of a slap in the face - to come to that conclusion on your own, or to actually hear it come from the guy's mouth. More realistically, a text/Facebook message, Instagram/Twitter DM, etc.

I think hearing it is far more soul shattering. That facade they wore the whole time they were talking to you, the person they made you believe they were, that you fell for... is gone. Their true colors and intentions show through and destroy all of the good memories or thoughts you had. Worst part is, you probably knew that all along that it was "just a hook up", and that you meant no more to them than gum on the bottom of their shoe.

However, you always held out hope that this thing you had meant far more to them as it had to you.

I just don't understand why this kind of practice is a thing. It seems like these situations happen so commonly and to so many people, guys and girls alike. I wish I could say that it'll never happen again, or that it hurts less after a little while. Yet I can't because it unfortunately might happen again. It may even happen more than once.

Even the guy that appears to be an absolute sweetheart could do this to you. "Fuckboys" usually fit the stereotype, but I've had this happen to me with guys I had never expected to be capable of such things. Frankly, that hurts almost a little bit more.

The aftermath of these never just leaves you and all is well again. Each time it happens, it takes a piece out of you. A piece of your hope. A piece of your trust. A piece of your confidence. People will always say that you will come back stronger from these types of things. I agree and disagree with that.

Sure, I will probably get over this person. It may not upset me anymore. I may be happier than I was before. However, if a genuine person comes into my life and actually wants something meaningful... now, I am going to be super leery of them. I won't be able to fully trust what they say or their intentions. I'll constantly doubt them and myself. I will overthink the littlest of things, making mountains out of mole hills. I don't think that is me becoming stronger. I think that is me becoming more guarded.

I have no quick-fix solutions for anyone who has been or is in this kind of situation that will make them feel 100% better. I don't want to lie to anyone. I could say to ignore/block that person, but even I know how hard that can actually be. You worry about letting go because your mind becomes clouded with nothing but what if?

What if I blew this all out of proportion and he really does like me?

What if I hurt him by cutting him out of my life?

What if, what if, what if.

The only thing I can really think of to say is that life keeps going.

You may feel sad, hurt, confused, angry or whatever for a short or even long period of time. However, life keeps going. Do not let one person ruin your life and keep you from living it. Get out of your room. Get out of the house. Go out with your friends. Try new things. Make memories with the people who do care about you. Feel however you want to about that guy or girl that hurt you, but just don't forget that there's so much out there in this world to do or see.

Eventually, you are going to get over that person while you're out enjoying all that life has to offer.

One day, you are going to find someone on one of those fun outings, whether they are a new person or someone you already know. They are going to show you what you were missing out on with what's-his-face. That guy or girl will be the one that chooses you and only you, first and foremost.

Most importantly though, I hope you are your first choice.

No guy, girl, or person in general will ever be there for you, care for you, or love you the way you can for yourself - the way you should always love you.

As long as you put yourself first, you will always be someone's first choice.