Yet again, I am encompassed by pride and love; flooded with memories of what now seems like another life time. Just four years ago, I embarked on a series of experiences which I had no idea would be the most substantial and impactful years of my life thus far. In a bachelor's degree of time, my life has been on a rollercoaster ride- one that I will never forget; one that I would stand in line to go on again.
Freshman year
A single semester is all it takes when you're starting out- all it takes to meet the people you will know and love for the rest of your life- your best friends. A single semester is all it took to befriend an inspired and determined soul whom will not be forgotten. Clari's death forced me to confront pain, shock and confusion in the most raw of ways right off the bat. As of November of my first semester freshman year, trying to understand how to cope, how to filter and how to take the next step forward seemed impossible. But I had to do it.
Whilst the pain started to become somewhat controllable, I thanked God for family and friends more so than ever before. Pain was evident, but the support was all the more undeniable.
Then, another blow to the heart...
Sophomore year
I love school. Always have, always will. I was in the midst of experience, growth, realization and motivation to find myself.
Then, the nightmare scenario I feared most occurred. Betrayed, yet again, by a man who promised my mother and our family support, love and honesty in sickness and in health for a lifetime. Itching to see first hand a marriage of lasting love and impact turned into another forced decision. I could choose to either stay defeated and confused, or discipline my mind and emotions to be better and stronger; to come out on top.
Junior year
I didn't fear the change, just the transition. I just wanted to see transformation. So I made the executive decision to change venues and continue my pursuit of schooling elsewhere. With a determined drive and a mindset of achieving against all odds, I found a revived longing for new experiences, new friendships and new connections with motivation behind me- always giving credit to where I started.
Senior year
I believe in doing good work, in loving what I do and in seeking like-minded people who share the motivation and drive to perform with excellence and to better the atmosphere in which we find ourselves. Experiences, some relationships and dreams came and went. I am thankful for the ones that have stayed; the ones who've been behind and beside all along. And one person, in particular, showed up last minute. With such devastation my first semester freshman year to such assurance my last semester senior year, everything is coming full circle.
And I am blown away.
He pursued and stuck by even in my weakest moment. I knew I loved him and the thought of what we could be, but was still holding onto a weakness that did nothing for me except drag me to the person I dreaded to be. We are all capable of becoming our worst nightmare. Face it head on and don't procrastinate.
Closure
Grace, my friends. The greatest and most undeserving of treasures which is not of ourselves. I believe true love and a life well lived is attainable only through the ridding of yourself and by the acquiring of discernment; the discernment to know when you are in the wrong and knowing how to forgive yourself and others. Grace from this good man has been my anchor. I can only pray and work harder than ever to be the woman he deserves and to love him to the best of my ability, learning all the while. This goes for all my relationships.
Through all seasons, all endeavors, transitions and steps forward, I am grateful for faith that has guided and for people who have remained. With one goal and many obstacles, I can end my college career with gratitude, confidence and a greater aspiration to pursue, love well and continue learning.
