Two years ago I had a really beautiful, tearful, yet closeness experience with the Lord.
In this season of my life, I was struggling with trusting the plan God had for me. I struggled to really get this huge grudge off my heart. To try to find rest and shake this feeling that overpowered me. I struggled to accept, and at times I still find myself with this issue, and I didn't trust. But then it all began with a thought…a trust to go.
Mass started at noon, and I usually never go to daily mass. I usually go every Sunday. But at 11:50 a.m. I got a feeling to get in my car and go to church. All I could think was "something's going to happen." However, I also had the thought of "no don't go, stay home and finish what you need to do because if you go you won't get what you need to get done." But I went… I trusted.
As I rush with 10 minutes to throw something on for mass I left just repeating "Jesus help me understand why I'm doing this." I said this the whole ride there. As I arrived I sat in the first pew and proceeded to listen to God's word and really open my heart, also trying to find a million ways to shake this doubt off.
As mass ended I still didn't understand. All of a sudden one of the parishioners stated how the rosary was going to be said after. Now, I'm going to be honest with you all, I don't pray the rosary and I should.
So, as I proceed to leave I got the feeling to stay. So I did and I took out my red rosary and kneeled down.
As we begin the parishioner states "this is for the people who are doubting, who needs Jesus to show them that he is the way and that his plan is beautiful, and for our own intentions" and I literally looked up at the cross and tears came flowing like a river down my face. During the rosary I got chills up and down, they wouldn't stop at all. Every Hail Mary and Glory Be I said I cried harder.
During the third joyful mystery, I got a huge overflow of peace, love, and that feeling of everything will be okay. I smiled so big, and it felt like I was new, and it was like I never shed a tear.
As I left I knew that this was the "something will happen." That was him telling me what he wanted me to do & that his plan was something I needed to realize what he CAN do. With him, beauty happens and your mind understands in a way he can only make you understand.
After I left I gave myself a little pep talk in the church parking lot. But, it wasn't your usual pep talk you give to yourself. The words were so deep that I knew it wasn't me saying it to myself. The words that were coming out of my mouth so lovingly, so perfect, so delicate, and each word flowed to the next I can't even wrap my head around it.
"Trust in me, don't doubt. I know it's hard to trust because of all the people who let you down and will on this Earth, and it's hard to trust in the plan you are walking through. But know that I will never leave you, I will never let go of your hand, and I have a great plan for you more than you will ever know. I know what's best for you. I am Kings above all Kings, I am the one who created you so you can have new life. I am the one who put you through it all so you can transform into the person you are today. You are special to me, you are my child… my precious child. I love you more than you'll ever know, I won't let anything happen to you so stop doubting, trust. Without me your life will not be filled with my abundant joy and presence. You're making me proud always remember that. And know that one day it'll all make sense. Just trust in me."
From Jesus to me, and now to you always know to trust in him because the plans he has for you is something so uniquely designed for you.
"Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you."
-AKay
