I believe that if one doesn't feel absolutely alive and complete on a daily basis, one is wasting one's time. Fear, adrenaline and excitement are feelings that I consider necessary for a fulfilling life. The emotions that make your heart jump and sing even put a twist in your stomach. The key to a comfortable life is being uncomfortable.
In elementary school, my best friend Alayna and I would read the after school announcements over the intercom for all to hear. Every time I pressed that red button, my heart would pound and my throat would tighten. The anxiety and fear of knowing so many were listening were intense, and it was addicting. At the age of 12, I found the first hint at my future, as nothing in my life had ever given me such emotion before. I recognized that it was something special.
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The summer before my freshman year of high school, I hiked Mount Katahdin for the first time. The hike itself is difficult and trying, but also amazing. Without the beat of adrenaline pumping through my veins, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish the hike. I was weak, but the fear kept me going. My extreme anxiety screamed throughout the entire day, although instead of letting it defeat me, I used it to my advantage. That's what kept me going. More than anything that day, I felt alive. The fear, the anxiety, it was a wake-up call. This hike made me realize, I'm here on this planet, and that alone is extraordinary. I have hiked that mountain every year for the past six years. I can't get enough.
Junior year of high school I made the decision to quit the sport I'd played my entire life, basketball, and to try out for cheerleading instead. I had gymnastics in my background and a few friends on the team, so I went for it. Jumping into a sport for the first time at a tryout scared the life out of me. Although, it was also the best decision I made in high school. That season was amazing. One of the best parts, however, was when the athletic director asked me to start doing the announcements before the basketball games. I nervously agreed.
Before each game the athletic director would give me a clipboard with a script and two lists of players. I would study them, reading them over and over again to my friends. My hands shook so hard I had to keep the clipboard on the bleachers while I practiced. My throat knotted and unknotted, my legs seemed as though made of jelly. Anxiety gripped me tight, but I knew better. I let the fear build up.
When handed the microphone I felt like a brand new person, the adrenaline fueled me. It was my job to connect the audience and the players and I was very good at it. With each name I announced, the fans would scream and the gym would roar. My grip on the microphone turned my knuckles white. Getting everyone fired up was the most amazing feeling. Chills ran down my spine with every word. The adrenaline that made my heart pound was like a drug. Every home game made me feel so alive, and that feeling never dulled. I had something not everyone finds, something I was in love with. I was in love with the feeling of fear. Using my anxiety to truly feel alive.
Now, I'm a sophomore in college about to start an internship in Sports Information. I'll be writing about the teams, doing announcements at games and otherwise, traveling with the team and so much more. If I hadn't capitalized on my fears and let them destroy me I would be doing something much more boring. I wouldn't be happy. Using my anxiety to feel alive is one of the most important skills I've developed. Do something that scares you every day. Embrace your fears. You may be surprised how things go.
