Imagine you end up with the first person you have a connection with; No heartache attached. But this doesn’t happen to everyone. Hell, it doesn’t happen to most people. If it has, then you’re lucky and I envy that you have never felt the pain of losing the one you love.

Even after all the heartbreak and all the tears I believe that having your heart broken is a necessity to grow. Not only for yourself, but for the next relationship you enter. I’ve had my heart broken twice. I met my first “boyfriend” when I was seven years-old. We had feelings that rekindled every summer, every year up until I was 15 years-old.

He broke my heart every summer we spent together. He would be my boyfriend and like it was nothing he would break up with me and start dating another girl at our camp later that night. Thinking about it now I feel so silly for getting upset back then, but that is what happened at our age. We would all date, break up, and date someone else two seconds later. Seven year-old and even 15 years-old me didn’t see it this way. I was heartbroken every time he put me through this. Now, years later I realize I owe so much to this guy. He gave me the first feeling of love I ever had and as soon as I felt this way again I recognized it for what it was.

My next heartache was a big one; My first real boyfriend. Not from when I was seven and at sleepaway camp, but from my senior year in high school to my junior year in college I gave my heart to this person. When you’re with someone for that long you think, “this is it,” I won’t meet anyone else and I don’t want to. I know so many of us have had this thought and when this relationship ends you think everything has been ripped away from you. This isn’t true. Far from it. Turns out that this relationship ending was the best thing could have happened to me. I didn’t realize it at the time but a whole new world would shortly open up for me.

Being with the same person for over three years you get comfortable and you depend on them. I lost my sense of self without being aware of it. When I was on my own I noticed a change in myself.

Yes, at first I was sad, but after a while the wounds healed and I started to feel happy being alone. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or anyone to be with. I would go out, have fun, and go home feeling satisfied. I wasn’t sad every time I was by myself anymore. I stood on my own two feet and I was okay.

The second thing I realized, I didn’t see until I began a relationship with someone new. I think more rationally if we have a fight, I’m a much better communicator, and I know when to compromise. Even though I’m in a relationship I still have my own life and my independence is still intact.

Having your heart broken is painful, but it can be the best thing for you. It makes you aware of what is right for you as an individual and what is right for you when you have a partner. I wouldn’t change anything about my experience with heart ache. If it happens again I know I’ll be okay. It’s just life’s way of giving me more learning material and trying to make me a better person.