I have a cold. I caught it right after I asked God a question in the middle of a freak-out. It takes me exactly two weeks to get over a cold. I can time it to the exact day, fourteen days (I am on day three). I am writing this article amid an academic meltdown. If you could see me at this very moment, you may feel the need to run to the nearest church and light a candle. You know the story by now. I transferred from Medgar Evers College with a fantastic GPA into Columbia University. You were with me when I was rapidly knocking out articles expressing the thrill of being accepted into an Ivy League school. I wrote how everyone in my circle began celebrating the fact that God kept His promise and granted me entrance into the school that happens to be President Obama’s alma matter. Yes, in the excitement, I ran to register and to get my books. I took the arrogant and “responsible” approach to my studies, and warned all friends that I will be M.I.A. as this will be a rigorous and intense academic program. That proved to be a gross understatement. This school is beating my Black ass down to the ground! Now, hear me out, I am not asking for sympathy, it is not necessary. This meltdown I am experiencing happens to be a GREAT thing. I may be shaking as I type this, but what I am going through HAS to happen in order for me to become successful.

During the orientation for new students at Columbia, the happy student leaders expressed a hope for each new student. They announced that they hoped that we experienced failure. They actually said, “we hope you fail”. I thought it funny and kept it moving. Well, I didn’t fail, but I JUST got the scare of my life (well, I wasn’t scared, I was BEYOND pissed). However, it was enough to bring me to the point I am right now, rocking back and forth in a fetal position, twisting my locks, while staring at a HUGE pile of homework. This is my testimony.

I make certain I make all classes. I make certain that I take the best notes, and stay on top of all readings assigned. I annotate, rewrite my notes, and organize. I create my famous note cards to study that have served me well all this time. I organize my time, which unfortunately keeps me up very late, and out of contact with family and friends. I practice and memorize formulas (for physics), and spent the first few weeks of school very tired, but confident. Then my first quiz arrived and I found myself asking, where in the HELL do these questions derive from? Why are you asking me about XYZ, when we have been working on ABC? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS? All who know me understand that fear for me immediately turns into rage. I was BEYOND PISSED. My feelings were hurt, but becoming pissed off feels better.

Two subsequent mid-terms in other classes sent me plummeting down the rabbit hole. This time however, I could formulate answers based on what I knew and studied. Despite the heavy study (an all-nighter), I didn’t feel that confidence I had rocking an exam at Medgar. I was very depressed. I had another mid-term coming up Monday Oct 24, in my favorite class. I was worried that this class too would have a test that seems to have questions that come out of nowhere. I came home angry. I was ready to throw in the towel. I went to say my prayers, and before I knew it, I was becoming even more angry and found myself telling God that I doubted all that He promised me. My mentor Reverend Calendar refers to this as a tantrum. I had a tantrum. doubting, questioning, raging, whining, you name it. God patiently listened. When I questioned if He even placed me in Columbia University, am I even supposed to be there, He cut me off and answered in a stern but loving voice. He said to me “Yes, I put you in this school. Yes, it is going to be EXTREMELY difficult, but you WILL be successful…and YOU WILL LEARN, absorb what you have been taught and use it to do what I have asked you to do (become a lawyer and help those ‘you looked down on’). FOLLOW ME. You will NOT just stop there, FOLLOW me and strive for bigger and better (Yale Law School).” He then said “Do NOT worry about Monday’s (Oct 24) midterm. You are NOT the only one who is going through this period of adjustment. You are to be BROKEN down to the bare minimum so that you can be rebuilt from the ground up, stronger and smarter. You can NOT rely on the professors to teach you what you need to know. Get the material (and it is a LOT), read it, and do RESEARCH on ALL material. Form an opinion, an argument, and have sources known that you can back up what you are saying. You are to show them that you can implement what you have learned in various situations, you are NOT to memorize and repeat.” Finally, He said, “Because you are so impatient, you will have immediate confirmation on all I have just promised you”.

I did not believe a single word, but I caught myself saying out loud, “Thank you Jesus, praise your Holy name”, Hallelujah repeatedly, all the way to my class.

I get to class; my favorite professor is handing out a worksheet. It is the questions for Monday’s mid-term. It didn’t stop there; the mid-term has been moved to Wednesday, Oct 26. I was relieved that I didn’t have to worry about Monday’s mid-term (confirmation). I have become friendly with this professor; I like his politics and his way of thinking. He is an ordained pastor, and is a cool “hippy type” Hawaiian. I plan to ask him to be my mentor, and you know, you need a mentor for a recommendation into law school. Imagine my surprise when he announced that he is also a professor at Yale (confirmation). He then said, “there is something they do not tell students at Columbia, you have to do RESEARCH on YOUR OWN on all topics you are studying (confirmation). The exams are written for you to apply what you know to a situation. You answer the questions with a thesis, and back it up with information you have learned to strengthen your argument (confirmation)”.

I left the class, and ran to the general studies lounge. Inside, I found a woman who was in the middle of her own meltdown. She said to me, “I was a straight A student at my two-year college (me TOO I thought!), I don’t know what they expect from us here. I feel lost”. She also told me she is having a major problem in physics. Different professor, same NOTES same QUIZZES, (ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO!!) we decided to study together (confirmation). I then stepped outside of the building, and as I was heading toward the train, this older gentleman stopped me and said that he wanted to let me in on a secret. He told me that I was going to be broken down and retaught how to learn. He said that everyone must go through it, yet, most students don’t get it until many semesters in. He then told me that I should consider myself lucky to get this information from him during a time it REALLY matters. I must do a reset. Within two hours after hearing from God, I received confirmation on EVERY thing that He told me. The last one, the older gentleman repeated word for word what God told me. I was floored!

I ran home, I looked at all my syllabi. My demon course, Physics, will eliminate the lowest homework score, and lowest quiz score AND there will be a chance for extra credit. The mid-term for English and Ethnic studies, the percentage weight towards the final grade is very low. I have time for a reset, and I am getting on it the moment I submit this article. I am in the middle of a meltdown. I am being broken down to be built back up stronger and smarter. How long will this take? The foundation will be set in two weeks. How do I know? Because right after I asked God? I caught a cold.