Timberwolves – Karl Anthony-Towns

• They just wanted someone, anyone, who could replace Kevin Love. That's

exactly what they got with Karl Anthony-Towns. Hopefully he doesn’t leave them

for free agency in the prime of his career.

Lakers – D’Angelo Russell

• Apparently, the old rookies didn’t brew Kobe’s coffee to perfection and one time

they picked up his dry-cleaning a bit late.

76ers – Jahlil Okafor

• They wanted to pick the most talented player and ruin his career in the worst kind of way.

Knicks – Kristap Porzingis

• Who? Is he here on a work visa?

Magic – Mario Heznoja

• Wanted to one-up the Knicks by selecting another European player who will have maybe three good years before being deemed too small/weak/untalented for the NBA.

Kings – Willie Caulie-Stein

• DeMarcus Cousins is leaving, so they wanted to pick a player who was least likely

to complain about being traded by George Karl.

Nuggets – Emmanuel Mudiay

• They really didn’t send any mixed messages to Ty Lawson with this pick.

Pistons – Stanley Johnson

• 99% of people reading this forgot about the Pistons after 2004. This pick didn’t help

their case by selecting someone named Stanley Johnson.

Hornets – Frank Kaminsky

• Michael Jordan selected him.

Heat – Justise Winslow

• Wanted to serve justice after LeBron left them all alone.