The sun has come out from it's wintry hiding spot, and it's warming the whole globe along with it. Oh, it's definitely that time again- Summer. Did it sneak up on you? If you, like most of us, are not quite summer ready with that perfectly tanned skin, you probably look like this:
However, if you want to turn your weirdly pale skin that kind of resembles what a crab looks like with no shell, Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump, is here to give you all of the tips you needs for turning your gross, unsightly skin that no one will ever love into....um....well, whatever this is.
1) Orange is the new tan.
2) All the self tanner.
Literally all of it. Slather it all over your pasty body.
3) Make sure the self tanner is in the darkest shade possible.
4) Some cheap make-up that doesn't match your skin.
Make sure to use a whole bottle of it in one day, too. For best results, use the shade Orange Dreamsicle.
5) Spray tans.
The cheaper, the better. Try three a day!
6) Don't blend anything, ever.
Not your self tanner, or your make up, or your past political ideas with your current ones, or anything. Ever. At all.
7) Don't over exercise.
Sweating will make your spray tan, self tanner, and make-up run right down your face. So if you're in any kind of race (any at all) (even a presidential one), you might want to consider dropping out to keep your tan looking perfect.
8) Look good(ish).
