At the age of 5, I remember seeing my friends on the swing set at recess. I was mesmerized as I watched their hair flow behind them. Being in a perdominantly causcasion enviornment, there were not many girls who had hair like mine. At 7 years old, I remember getting my first relaxer. I was so excited! My hair could finally flow behind me on the swing set. For those unfamiliar with the term, a relaxer or perm is a chemical treatment many black women use that permanently breaks down the protein bonds in hair so the hair remains straight. It makes hair easier to manage, however it can lead to hair breakage, skin burns, and thin the hair . At 13 I remember being too embarressed to go to the pool with my friends. I refused to wear a swim cap and I didnt want to get my hair wet and have to get my mom to do my hair again. I wanted to do my hair like everyone around me. I wanted to wear messy buns and have it straight everyday. By 15 I had damaged my hair so bad that for the first time in my life my hair was above my shoulders. At 18 I got my first sew in weave and for the first time felt like I fit in. I could get whatever texture I desired, straight hair, wavy, curly, I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could Straighten It, curl It, color It, get It wet and It looked like mine and everyone else's.Now at 23 years old I am 100% natural. No perm, no dependency on weave, just me. Then it occurred to me, Has It really taken 23 years for me to accept the natural hair that grows from my head?
I can't speak for everyone, but I think some women can agree that society put this pressure on black women to fit in. Our natural hair is looked down upon. It's viewed as unprofessional, dirty, unmanageable and ugly. But when wearing weave, for that moment, you can assimilate and not feel as outcasted. You feel pretty. You don't have to be self conscious about your hair, because it looks like everyone else's. We live in a world that subconsciously programs us to want to hide our hair due to the media's portrayal of beauty standards. No one has to tell me to my hair isn't "desirable", the media shows me what is desirable by what hair we see on those considered "beautiful". European beauty is what most of the world soughts after, i.e light skin, small noses, straighter hair. Basically everything most African desendants are not. This makes It difficult to feel comfortable in your own skin, let alone while wearing your natural hair. It's a constant battle of having to accept who you are when your natural features are not what the majority deems as beautiful.
Don't get me wrong, I still wear weave. It's convient, versatilite and it's a great way to grow and protect my natural hair. However, It was important for me to take a step back and make sure I was comfortable with all the coils and kinks under the sew in. No matter if you rock a perm, dreads, weave, or an afro, do It because that's your idea of beauty and not anyone else's.