Oct. 11 is known in the LGBTQ community as National Coming Out Day. For those of you who aren't aware, Coming Out Day is for those in the queer community to "come out of the closet" and tell those that they're closest to about their sexual and/or gender identity if they don't already know. For a lot of people, it's an extremely freeing experience. I can vouch for the fact that there is nothing quite as relieving as not feeling like you have to hide a huge part of yourself anymore. While coming out is a positive thing for many people in the LGBTQ community, I want to take some time to address the complexities of "coming out" that people don't about as much as I think they ought to.
Not everyone is in a position to "come out". There can be many different reasons for this and there is no such thing as a wrong reason when we're talking about how comfortable someone is about being open about their identity. For some people, because of their current living situation or family situation, they don't think that they would be safe if they came out of the closet. It's 2017 and we've made a lot of progress as a community but unfortunately, homophobia is still alive and well. Because of that, some people need to put their physical and mental safety before the potentially freeing act of coming out of the closet. So before you begin to wonder why it took some people so long to come out, or if you have friends who are only out to you and a few of their closest confidants and you wonder why they aren't just more open about it, I want you to try and consider all the spheres of their lives and the people who might not be as accepting as you are.
Coming out isn't mandatory. I know that in and outside the community "coming out" seems like a right of passage that everyone queer person has to go through to reach the next level of gay, but it's really not. Some people want to make an announcement about their orientation and there's nothing wrong with that. But there are also people who don't see why they should need to come out because there isn't anything strange about not being straight. That's respectable and not a mentality that should be criticized as long as they are being respectful of those who dowant to come out. There is no instruction manual that the leader of the queer community hands you that says in order to stay in the LGBTQ community, you have to make a "coming out" announcement. If you want to just go about your life and then come home with your boyfriend or girlfriend, then you are free to do that. If you don't want to make a big deal about realizing your gender identity, that's totally fine and completely up to you.
If you haven't figured out how you identify and aren't ready to come out, that's okay too. In a world that is heteronormative from the get-go, it can be a process to figure out what you identify as. Some people know how they feel but don't know that there's a term for it. Some people know the terms but don't know which one applies best to them. Some people haven't figured out what they feel or don't feel yet and are just starting their journey of identity, and that's great too! It's a big deal for a lot of people to figure out how they identify as, and if you aren't there yet and don't feel like you want to come out or can't just yet, you still have our love and support on this part of your journey.
Some people don't "come out" because they don't want to define themselves by a label. Along the same lines as not wanting to come out because they don't deem it necessary, there are others who, by "definition" fall under the queer umbrella, but never adopted a term. Some people don't define themselves by their sexuality or gender because they don't want that to be the only thing about them that people focus on. They see themselves as a complete and whole person; to let such a strongly-regarded term dictate a huge part of how they're viewed doesn't appeal to them, so they skip the whole thing. For some people, the rejection of labels provides the same feeling of freedom and security that coming out of the closet does for others. Labels aren't for everybody and there is nothing wrong with that.
This just begins to scratch the surface of the complex nature of coming out as a member of the queer community. Everyone has a different experience, or lack thereof, concerning coming out of the closet. National Coming Out Day is a great platform for people who have been wanting to come out but didn't quite know how or when. It creates a type of solidarity that can be a source of strength and comfort and that's a beautiful thing.
So for those who are making today a part of their journey as a member of the LGBTQ community, Happy Coming Out Day! For those who have already come out, or don't want to come out, or can't come out, here's to you as well! It's a beautiful life and may we make every day a celebration of who we are.
