We all have experiences that influence us into becoming who we are. So many of us want you to know every little detail about our lives; while others like to keep you at a distance.
I am a fixer. I want you to be okay. I don't care how it makes me feel, I ultimately want the best for you and will do anything for you to achieve that.
I hate seeing pain. I hate watching someone cry; breaking right in front of me. I want to help. I want to heal. However, in the process of healing you I forget about myself. This is dangerous.
I generally forget to think about myself. You're probably thinking "that's impossible." Believe me it isn't.
I want to help. I want to heal. This is why I work so hard.
I work hard for everything I receive just to give it away. Crazy right? But nothing brings me more joy. I am a fixer.
I want you to be okay, to be happy. There is nothing wrong with this in anyway, however, sometimes I need reminded of a few things.
1. I can't fix everyone or everything.
2. Not everyone wants your help.
3. Look after yourself.
The last one is a major one. I justify it by telling myself the following: "If you aren't there, who will be?"
This is the reason I chose my field of study. Biology with a concentration in Pre-Medicine. This is why I am willingly going to school for 8+ years. Why I am volunteering for sleepless nights and long hours of studying. I like to believe I will make a difference. Now, don't take me for one those "I will be known everywhere" types. If throughout my entire career I only achieve helping one person I will be content. If all of my patients hate me because I am good at what I do, so be it. Because if I can help that one little boy or girl realize they can do anything they set their minds to despite their current situations; I have received the greatest reward.
I am not "in it for the money". I do not care about "the hours of my life wasted." I do not need to see the outcomes or be rewarded for them. I just want to help. Whether that means splinting an arm or removing a life threatening tumor. I am in it for the long haul.
So whether you are the fixer, the follower, the leader, or the denier, make sure you are you for the right reasons.
