You get in this relationship, everything seems perfect, almost like a fairytale. At least, at first it does. Slowly, and I mean very slowly, things start being different. You begin to watch your every move in order to avoid your significant other getting mad and to avoid arguments.
You begin to conform your behavior, personality, and even your looks to make them happy. You start keeping conversations with close friends short and to the point. You begin to be cold towards your loved ones, and start avoiding any type of conversation as to 'what's wrong.'
Fast forward a few months later, and you yourself, start noticing how different you are. You don't get ready anymore, you blow off everyone who tries to hang out with you. You're just completely a whole new person. You can't recognize yourself anymore.
You changed your clothes, your hair, what you choose to wear, etc. None of it is you, but yet it's who you are now.
Fast forward a few more months, and it's constant anger and arguments. It never ends. You're doing everything right, you're walking on eggshells, trying to make the best out of the worst situation that you find yourself in.. and yet, it still does not change a single thing.
You start to want to leave them, and right as you want to, they go back to the old them. They draw you back in, and you remember the good times and the fun times, so you stay. Just for it to go back to the narcissistic abuse again in a week. Eventually, though, you gather the strength to leave. This time, you leave for good. You think this will make it better, you think you'll go back to your old self... little do you know, you won't.
You try to meet people, but you can't get too close. Everything someone says to you, you question their loyalty and honesty. The nice guys: you blow them off. You throw accusations at everyone, even when they're doing nothing wrong. You become cold. You become cold to everyone, it's as if you don't want or need anyone else. You're content alone, even though deep down you know you're screaming for help.
You overthink everything. You question everything. And even, at times, you wonder to yourself what you did to deserve feeling this way. Sometimes, you even start believing the horrible things that were said to you by someone you trusted. They used your flaws and secrets against you, and you start to believe it.
You used to be your own person. You used to make your own decisions, and be a happier person. You used to smile a lot more, and you used to not be so cold. You went into this relationship as your own person and left it as a codependent and broken person.
One day though, you'll start to smile again for no reason. You'll begin laughing naturally, and you'll begin appreciating the little things again. One day, you will be your own person again, and an even better one at that.
