Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a moderately-sized co-op's slightly-dirty living room with 4 individuals who collaborated on this article. Let's be honest, we've all had these conversations; I'm just bringing them to light. Let's start.
1. Bigfoot
You know what they say about big feet.
r.ddmcdn.comBigfoot is number 10, because while he is rumored to be well-endowed, he is hard to get in contact with and might ghost you. He also probably has mommy Earth issues, and I'm not about to play therapist for another man, let alone a mythical one.
2. Medusa
Medusa rhymes with Sedusa, which she will do after a night of awkwardly avoiding contact at a frat party. However, she does come with a lot of tongues, and emotional baggage, so you may want to steer clear of anything besides a one-night-stand. Just imagine the snakes tho.
3. Werewolves
This is a contentious one, because I personally am not attracted to werewolves. However, the silent ghostwriters of this article are.
"Their power, their agility, their grace, shall I go on? Their hair. Very hairy. I love that. Imagine running your fingers through their hair." -- Quote from my roommate.
4. Mermaids/Sirens
You are a liar if you don't want to seduce a mermaid, or rather, be seduced by a siren's loving call. These queens of the oceans are all probably tops, and that's a rarity in the world of sapphic bottoms. However, they'll probably kill you, so keep that in mind.
5. Unicorn (But Not the Horse, I Mean A Bisexual Femme)
There are a lot of boring, unattractive straight couples on Tinder looking for a "third" to spice things up. Sadly for them, human beings are not objects and don't exist to fulfill your sexual wishes because your boyfriend doesn't know what a clit is. Please get off Tinder, for the love of God.
6. Elves, Specifically The Keebler Elf
"Why, specifically the Keebler elf, my friend?"
"Look at those cheeks. He has some very plump cheeks. Both up top, and bottom." -- Unnamed housemate
7. Centaur
Centaurs are number four on the list for several reasons. 1. That gallop. 2. That long, beautiful mane. 3. You can probably guess.
I think my biggest issue with centaurs is they seem a little pretentious. They'd seem like mansplain Joy Division to me at a house show. They just have that look.
8. Kraken
I would take him home to my mother. He's just misunderstood, and a little bit slippery. Very anime, I know.
9. Ghosts
I feel like the ectoplasm would be an interesting experience. If it weren't for number one on this list, I would immediately take home a ghost and let them possess me.
10. An Unproblematic White Man
Despite my many attempts, I have only been disappointed by the myth of a man who didn't have some sort of fucked up political beliefs. Regardless, I'm still going to keep falling for the idea of one.
