If there’s anything I have learned about myself throughout my sophomore year of college, it is that I commonly challenge authority and question acute direction. I grew up as a military child, and although I had my fun, I was disciplined from a young age on how to respect command and follow the rules. However, I have recently strayed from my previous ways.

Of course, in scenarios such as a plane crashing or when you learn how to drive, it is absolutely, without fail, necessary to follow instructions. But when I turn to my daily life, there is so much around me that tries to push me in a narrow direction, a direction that I don’t need to follow to be a successful human.

When I was younger, I used to be a strict rule follower, scared of the consequences that would follow. With each year, I have grown more and more reluctant to be the molded person that others want me to be. Rules are set for people to follow. It occurred to me, finally, that rules are indeed set, but you do not need to follow them. There is one rule, particularly, that covers a lot of ground that I refuse to walk on.

Put others above yourself, they say.

I will not discredit this societal norm. In so many situations, the right thing to do is respect others and give others priority. You really should still respect your elders and listen to your parents. But what about the situations in which YOU need to be the priority? I so commonly gave everything I had to an organization or a so-called friend that asked more of me than I was willing to give. Rules were set, societal norms were set, and I followed them. I gave them what I had in order to give them priority in my life.

As a positive psychology supporter, I started telling myself last spring that I am important. I am worthy. I am independent. If I am so autonomous, then why am I letting others control how I live my life? Putting myself before others, as opposed to others before myself, quickly took precedence in my life.

I felt like I was taught that if I am unhappy with something or someone to bite my tongue. However, if I want to take care of my wellbeing, why would I put an organization or another person’s importance before mine? Recently, I started to use my voice if I truly felt like I could not agree or move forth with what was being asked of me. If something feels unfair or unnecessary, it is undeniably okay to vocalize and express to someone how it isn't as important to you, as opposed to biting your tongue.

You have a voice for a reason. That reason is not to sit back and let others take advantage of your kindness and willingness to follow their lead. The next time that you set aside your own values and independence for the sake of others, rethink it. Instead of putting others above yourself, which will inevitably be necessary in certain cases, actively try to put yourself above others.