Here goes nothing...

Literally. My exact thought while boarding my international flight from JFK to Nairobi, Kenya. “Holy shit” was another one. I was only 18 years old and instead of going off to college like the rest of my friends and my twin sister, I was about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. Despite the passionate and considerate (discouraging and unfavorable) advice from my parents and teachers on how bad of a decision I was making, I ignored them and did it anyway. I took a gap year. I decided to put “real life” on hold, and just like that, I felt like more of a black sheep than I already was.

While I thought I was putting my “five year plan” on hold and missing out on the new lives my friends were starting, I was actually starting a new life of my own. One filled with more breakthrough and growth than I could ever imagine. As soon as I set foot on the other side of the world, I felt liberated. I felt independent and most importantly proud of myself and of my life for the first time. My journey began with me volunteering in Africa. The culture shock of a third world country ignited every feeling I had about love and altruism. Realization of life back home and all I'd taken for granted stirred up emotions that I could never come up with words to describe. The beauty and love a third world country holds is unfathomable to anyone outside its borders. Something I quickly realized, as I was foolishly ignorant about what to expect. I figured out how to listen, love and understand better than before. I learned how to become a friend to everyone; how to laugh shamelessly, cry, dance and pray openly. I realized the importance of education and the dire skills of communication. How to use a map. How to trust my gut as a lone, young female in frightening situations. Most importantly, I learned how to use my influence for the better. That alone, set the foundation for the interactions and travels I’d be continuing for months later.

The learning didn't stop when I arrived in Europe, this came with yet another culture shock. Here I met more travellers just like me. People who became my closest friends after two nights in a scary hostel with no wifi and a sketchy receptionist. People who shared shivering stories about their lives that still make me tear up thinking about it. People who were from countries I can't pronounce, who had dreams and goals just like I did. People that couldn't speak a lick of English, yet left their footprint in my heart. We were all Peter-Panning (yes I made that verb up) across the world to learn. I’m not talking about school. Not math (that we’ll never use again, sorry Mrs. Grant), economics, or that art history class you took in 9th grade which made you re-think what the f*** you were doing with your life. But about people. About relationships; how to use our passion and gifts to help or inspire others. Using that heavy, dark shadow that cast over our everyday life in grief and in anxiety about life’s pressures, to find light. To choose to find light.

One recurring thought I have in conclusion to my gap year is that maybe I've been running away from something - I still don’t know. What matters is that I started running towards something. Towards a new life, and a dream I've pursued as long as I can remember. I realized that no matter how far you go, how many airplanes and trains and camels across the Sahara desert (yes that happened) you take to escape, your memories and thoughts never leave. However, with all the airplanes, trains and uncomfortable camel rides, you do learn how to deal with those thoughts, and confront them.

I ended up having the most gratifying and life-changing year I've ever lived, or may ever live, by following my heart first (I know, super cliché). I've made mistakes, missed flights (a lot…), been scared, and have let a lot of people through this year. More importantly; I've fallen in love, cried with joy, and felt at peace with life. I’ve appreciated family, took the time to love how different the mountains, oceans, and small towns could be from one another. Kids running around without shoes and joining them. Languages, food, and listening to travelers with stories of self-discovery, and untamed ways of living life to its full potential. I learned how to surf. I sang with a drum around a campfire in the middle of nowhere just waiting to be welcomed by a scorpion. Hitchhiked. Camped in freezing temperatures. I've seen how many stars there are...everywhere. I ate goat balls and snails that were the size of my thumb and immediately regretted it, but also wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Growing up we all encounter obstacles that put us down. That separate us from ourselves, friends and even family. We can choose to either grow from those obstacles and come out stronger than ever before, or we can live life feeling safe and comfortable - too comfortable. So whether you take a year before college or any huge life changing event to work, travel, explore or continue your talents, chase love, or even create a new identity (I won’t judge). It is important to find out who you are. To explore who you are. To see life with a new perspective, grow as an individual and find your Neverland. You can do it, I'm living proof.