When I was eighteen years old I walked across the stage at my high school graduation, a man I didn't know shook my hand victoriously as I accepted my high school diploma. I was ready then, I was sure of it. I was emerging into the world, accepted into a fantastic university, and ready to conquer the world- or at least I thought I was. When you're eighteen years old, the whole world is breathing down your neck that it's time to decide who and what you're going to be. Those were decisions I thought I could make. If you'd asked me on that hot, May evening as I celebrated with my friends and family and day-dreamed about what I wanted to do if I was going to take a year off school, I would've shouted "hell no". It wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind. It wasn't even on the horizon. I was a student, that was who I was. Yet, it happened. Life happened. I was ready for school, but I wasn't ready for the year that would follow once I was no longer a student.

We're students from the time we're four or five years old until the day we receive that coveted college diploma. Being a student was all I had ever known. It was what I was, who I was. I knew how to measure my success in my GPA and my class ranking, I valued my self worth in my test scores and how late I could stay at the library before I'd pass out in a cubicle, my philosophy text book open and mocking me as it talked about the human condition, about how we crave learning, and companionship, and peace. I think I lost a little bit of myself into the text books I was pouring over, and the notes that somehow become the gospel for me.

Lots of students opt to take a gap year, to travel abroad, or to work internships, to network and build professional relationships. I am all for taking the route that is the most beneficial to you, and to your life plan. I found myself not in any of those groups though, I hadn't taken a year off to travel the world and lose myself in exotic places, or to intern with fortune five hundred companies, or even to network. I found myself physically unable to go back to school after I pushed my physical and mental health to their limits during my first semester. Doctor after doctor, and family member after family member had made it clear to me that I couldn't return to school and be a successful student with the situation I was in.

The situation I was in doesn't really matter in the long run: it was an obstacle I felt I could never overcome, and here I am a year later, going back to class. That's not the biggest take away from my year off though, and that's not what I want to share. If I could have someone take one thing away from this kind of experience, it's this: you don't have to be a student to learn.

During my hiatus from being a student, I learned some of the most important things I think I ever will, and accomplished things I never thought possible. If you're taking a break from school for any reason, or if school just isn't what you want to do, then never stop learning. Our knowledge is the only thing no one can ever take from us, money doesn't last forever, people leave, and everything is temporary. What we know, what we've learned, is permanent. Here's a short list of what I learned when I felt like I couldn't do anything.

1. The most important thing I learned as myself, and not as my student ID number, was that a bad thing happened to me, not because of me. Everyone has dealt with hardship in their life, with pain, with tragedy. I know people strong enough to carry it, and heal from it, and not let it hold them down. It used to frustrate me that I was holding so tightly onto something that I wanted so badly to let go of. Letting go wasn't something I had the time, the energy, or the courage to do while a student. Once I took a break, and was able to examine my life for how it was and now what I wanted it to be, I let go of a lot things I'd been harboring in my heart.

1. Another very important lesson I learned was how to measure my success, my value, and my worth by standards other than a 4.0 or the highest test grade in the class. I was able to measure myself by my progress! I cannot tell you how beneficial that was to me, and how incredibly valuable it is as I return to my studies. Your success is not something to be measured and graded like lecture classes and final exams. If you learned something, it mattered. If you gave it your all, it mattered, whether that be in your hardest class, or in learning how to heal and take care of yourself. Measure yourself by how you're doing as a person, not a student or a statistic. Make decisions that make you feel happy, that make you feel good. Work hard, reap the rewards, take the losses and learn from them. Do something that matters to you, who cares if everyone else thinks it's stupid. You're doing you, why not do a great job at it?
2. Another wonderful thing I took away from this past year was falling back in love with my hobbies. I lost myself in literature, I painted awful art, I made videos, I spent time with myself. I laughed. I learned about film.This is something I would recommend doing whether you're a full time student, working adult, on a hiatus, or anything else. Get to know yourself, find your passion, die from that, not boredom or stress or from the pressure of the world being too heavy against your lungs.
3. If you are on a hiatus from school, find something constructive to do. Find a job and do your best at it. Find a charity and donate your time. Pick a subject and study on your own, become an expert. It was challenging to feel like I was serving a purpose when I didn't have a grade scale to go by, but I finally found my rhythm, and I worked hard.
4. Do some internal house keeping while you have the time and the opportunity to do so. This last year, I finished a to-do list I didn't even know I had. I climbed out of a toxic relationship, I focused on my health, I made steps towards overcoming and moving on from things I thought I never could.

Taking time off school can feel embarrassing, and a little soul crushing. I remember the looks people would give me when I said "No, I'm actually just working right now." It felt awful. My whole life, I was a girl with a plan, and I thought that plan being interrupted would mean the end of my world. Turns out, it was the beginning of a whole new world. If you're out of school, and feel like you're a failure or stupid or lazy- don't. Do what you need to do, become mentally, physically, and financially prepared to go back. Take some time with yourself. It'll be okay. My advice to anyone in a situation like this is to stay motivated, learn about yourself, find something positive to work on, and never give up on yourself and your goals. We don't have to live our lives on a time line, we don't have to graduate by a certain day, we can take all the time we need. You're doing a good job.

In hindsight, I took on too much too fast, we've all been there. I wasn't sure who I was if I wasn't a student, if I wasn't out chasing my degree then what was I doing? Turns out, this whole time I have been learning and becoming. Taking a year off school was hard. I felt useless. I felt embarrassed. However, taking that year off was the best decision I ever made. Slow and steady wins the race, we've been saying it since grade school. If you need to, take a beat, take care of yourself, do what you need and go back ready.