Everyone has a fear. For some people, it is very psychical, something they can touch or can touch them. For others, it is strictly mental, it's all in their mind. an endless game of "what if"s, "could be"s, or "if I don't"s.
It's hard to admit your true, deep fear, and even harder to over come it. Some may never be able to overcome it, their fear will haunt them until they take their last breathe.
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For me, my worst fear is all in my mind. It is linked directly to my lack of self confidence and acceptance. My worst fear is not doing everything that I could of. Branched off of that is the fears that I will never amount to anything, the fear that I will never be remembered, and the fear that I will fell people.
Do not get me wrong. I do not want to be famous or anything like that. I would be overjoyed with a simple life, in a simple town, with a simple family. Being simple does not scare me. Leaving this world knowing that I did not better it or it's inhabitants. I have had so many people touch my life, I believe that it would be a waste of my breathe and heart beats to not do the same.
I am so afraid that I will never be able to write enough or write the right words. I am afraid I will overlook someone's call for help and be forced to watched them fade into the darkness. I am afraid that when I die, rather it be now or much later, that none will remember my name or the things that I did. While my friends and family will, could I not really reach outside of my bubble to cause someone happiness or spark ideas or greatness in them?
Another branch of my main fear is the fear that everything that others have put into me will go to waste. I am afraid that I will not be able to pass on the favor: That I could not do the same for someone else.
My family have done so much for me. My parents have always accepted me and loved me. They showed me right from wrong and helped me become me. They supported me through each of my decisions. My siblings were there just the same, but also allowed me the opportunity to learn from them and to see the world through different eyes.
My friends have done so much for me. Lacey has shown me what the glory of God looks like when it shines through a person and how grace can be worth so much more than anything this world has to offer. Sierra showed me that even when the odds are not in my favor, I can still win the fights. She gave me the chance to see that everyone has problems and we can get over them and strive. Emilee and Kortney showed me that true friendships last forever no matter what kind of Hell we go through. Jasper showed that some connections are stronger than time and trials that we go through. Jocelyn showed me how great it is that some people are not what society deems worthy or normal. They were there for me even when I was not there for myself. They laughed and cried with me. They created memories that will fill the corners of my minds until I am no more.
My teachers taught me so much. Mrs. Cobler taught me that humans can overcome so much. We can be forced through Hell and back, along to come out stronger. Even if we cry sometimes, we are stronger than the tears of the past or fears of the future. Mrs. Hudson showed me that sometimes in order to do greatness, we may not always be liked. We have to do hard things and sometimes people will not like us for that. Ms. Lair showed me that I can be so much more than I once thought I could be. She encouraged me to write and perform. Even when I could not see greatness in me, she saw it. These teachers and many others have helped carve out a path that will help me reach my future. Because of them, I am now becoming a teacher. They impact me so greatly that I hope I can become a fraction of who they are. They taught me lessons such as Algebra and English, but also lessons such as character and creativity,
Everyone I meet everyday impact me in a way that I could never write out. From a strangers smile to a friends poor, punny joke, they help me become a better me and help the world look a little bit brighter.
This is why I am who I am today. This is why I am going to college, working my butt of in the Honors Program. I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone. I am making myself become a better person. I want to be a light to someone. I want to be like my family, friends, and teacher to someone. I do not have to change the world, I just have to change someone's world/ As long as I can change one person's life for the better, than I could die happy.
"I have hated the words and I have loved them and I hope I have made them right." Markus Zusak The Book Thief.
