While readingLove Warrior I had an epiphany. I learned that although we are all a part of one world, we all have our own worlds that are for us and those we love and are important to us. Having separate worlds is one of the reasons some walk our of our lives and some walk in. It isn't necessarily a fault of another person's for walking out on us, but they just didn't belong in our world.
What is a separate world? It's the group of people you hang out with. It's your family and friends that mean the utmost importance to you. My world revolves around family and a few close friends and my boyfriend. My world is small, quite, unique and my own. It is where I can be myself, tell the truth and feel safe, no one can hurt me in my world.
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My world is a sacred place, not everyone belongs, though. I have had people decide they didn't like my world and left. After realizing that it wasn't me but that they didn't like being there the went onto their own and found people to add into theirs. Learning that you have separate worlds isn't a bad thing, it's a learning experience and not everyone belongs in yours and you don't belong in theirs.
Does this still not make sense? Think of it this way, you join a sports team when you'd rather be reading in the library. Or you join a dance team when really you would rather be doing gymnastics. You're in a place (world) that has different expectations, they act different, they practice different, the rules are different. You are doing it but you feel like you aren't happy and wish you could change it to make it fit you more, but really that's just how the team is and you have no way to change it. Point is, being in a different world includes specific expectations for you and set rules you may not like. You feel like you don't belong because maybe you just don't but you try to change yourself to fit what they want out of you.
STOP! Stop doing that, stop trying to change yourself to make it so you fit into their team. That's what having your own world is for, so it's about fitting you and you making your own rules. You are the only one setting the rules in your world because you chose who comes onto your team. You are the team captain in your world, you set your own rules, screw expectations set a judgment-free world.
If you are finding yourself lost and not fitting in with friends you really want to be with, try forming a world of your own. We are meant to be our own person and have our own world full of people you do fit in with regardless of how cool they are. This (very small) epiphany I had reading just one sentence changed my mindset of so many things. It brought so much sense into why things and people weren't happy being with me. It made me realize that it wasn't something I was doing, it was the people who were not fitting into it.
So stop blaming yourself for the friends you have lost. If they fitted into your world, they would still be there because they understood you and your rules and expectations. It's okay to lose some, that way more people can come in and join.
