Withering Dimensions
Her eyes
were emeralds,
shimmering with inspiration
her secrets
manifesting
Her Eyes
the ocean’s tide
depths
a voyager drowning
an anchor to darkness
empty
absent
chains
a hermit’s web
bridges
singe to ashes
embers, memories
cascade through
infinite dimensions
withering from existence
The person she once was
crimson hair, emerald eyes, hiding in disguise
watching from the other side
a ghost haunting me,
until the end of time…
Psychotic Seclusion
There’s rage surging in my veins
Waiting for change yet all remains the same
Biding my time locked in these chains
As all cherished memories seem to fade
Is there something I can exchange?
Please tell me this is only a phase and not my eternal fate
Because this pain is driving me insane
Tired of playing this game
With nothing left to gain
These thoughts keep terrorizing my brain
Psychological scars forever maimed
Struggling with
something that can’t be named
The price of life is hell to pay
There’s no one but myself to blame
What’s going on in my mind?
I can’t see so I must be blind
I can feel death creeping up from behind
As I’m mining through life searching for something to find
With shadows haunting me in the night
Menacing revelations of the third eye
Where the sun no longer shines
Permanently lost in space and time
With no hopes of finding the light
***
Is that how you felt, when seeking your purpose?
Living a life, you could no longer cope with?
There was a time when our conversations flowed endlessly
Then you cut off society abruptly
Back then you were so effervescent and interesting
If only I knew the true pain you were manifesting
Meddling with consciousness expanders
That propelled you deep into schizophrenic endeavors
This changed your outlook forever
Because things you once cherished you can no longer remember
your train of thought permanently dismembered
The torch of freedom showed you the light
A forbidden fire that inspired both of us to write
Soaring above the clouds in sanctuary
If only you knew, schizophrenia was hereditary
When you traded Mary for Lucy
You left the atmosphere
Transcending through space
No hopes of returning here
It still perplexes me, how you disappeared
You could be locked in a facility I fear
Nobody knows how far you are or near
Just the thought of this brings me to tears
In your life there was never a father
Leaving you abandoned as a daughter
So I see why you needed me as your lover
All you wanted was a chance with your loving mother
Yet CPS threw you into the gutter
Where you turned to the blotter
To escape only to end up
in Davy Jones’s locker
A prisoner in your own mind what a terror to ponder
But when I asked if you needed help, you said to no longer bother
What happened to you I still can’t fathom
It haunts my soul to this day like a phantom
Your once vivid imagination
Is now warped in another dimension
Where reality and fantasy have no distinction
Living what seems stranger than fiction
Is this truly the
future you had envisioned?
***
Her eyes were green emeralds shimmering with inspiration
Glimmering in the sun with a fine complexion
But now all they reveal is a blank expression
She strolls idly in isolation
Lost in confusion
Trapped in seclusion
Feeling the price of consciousness expansion
Waiting for a glimmer on the horizon
I tried to help her with these memory lapses
But she cut all ties and let them singe to ashes
A lost minor digging for answers
like the legendary piper
Is there anyone left
who can find her?
As she drifts along at the gates of dawn
Where all the failed seekers are fallen
***
Is this the end?
Will we meet again?
Or is this the final farewell
to my best friend?
Some final thoughts:
“Withering Dimensions” and “Psychotic Seclusion”, two poems I wrote about a girl who embarked on a journey expecting to fly, yet, little did I know that that moment would be our last goodbye. She lived by the moto from Ralph Waldo Emerson; “Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality.”
Psychedelics took her on a creative journey, but she was eventually propelled over the edge. Her eyes once shone bright like the sun. But that shimmering light eventually imploded into a black hole; all of her thoughts and memories warped into a grim reality that’s stranger than fiction.
It was intended as therapy to escape the difficult situation she was in, but instead she became a prisoner in her own mind; trapped in Davy Jones’s Locker. You should always know your family history before reaching for the secrets, because anyone with a family history of mental disorders like schizophrenia could easily suffer a psychotic breakdown.
Even now, five years later, it’s still a difficult situation to process. Seeing someone I considered a best friend lose themselves that way, was heartbreaking. She understood me more than anyone I’ve ever known, one of the few people in my life that I’ve never had to wear a mask around. As strong as our bond was, I felt like a part of me was lost after she was gone.
But contrary to how most people would react after facing such a terrible situation, I still take a Libertarian stance on psychedelics and all drugs in general. The drug war is a joke due to the fear-mongering neo-con politicians that kept people like her and I from ever taking any their over-exaggerated warnings seriously. I think if drugs were legal that there would be less people in her situation; who knows what adulterants were mixed in with what she was taking. Legalizing drugs would keep them out of the hands of drug dealers, and the danger they carry would be reduced due to the fact that they would be created by professional doctors instead.
I must admit psychedelics still peak my interest. Writers or artists of any kind would find anything that promises inspiration and creativity like they do quite compelling. Psychedelics are teachers, although not every mind can handle what they preach. Some have a breakthrough and find themselves as a result of using them
(like the author of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley),
while others unfortunately break down and lose themselves (like the founder of Pink Floyd, Syd Barrett).
They can unlock the secrets to life, but that also means the suppressed demons from your past might be set free as well; to haunt your consciousness once again. That’s a risk that can come with consciousness expansion; sacrificing your sanity for a piece of understanding.
“We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled the 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.”-Hunter S. Thompson
