For years, I've known that I want to be a surgeon. To me, surgeons are the elitists of medicine: smart, quick-thinking, and absolutely perfect under pressure. Every time I walk into one of my college classes, I know that I am one step closer to achieving my dream: saving lives and immersing myself in one of the most honorable professions in the world.

But how can I become this amazing surgeon that I want to be if I might not even be smart enough?

Surgeons go to Harvard or Yale for undergrad and Stanford or Columbia for medical school. I go to a state school. Don't get me wrong, I love my college and made one of the best decisions of my life by going there, but I'm nothing academically compared to those Harvard and Yale kids. Surgeons get 4.0 GPAs, know everything about the sciences before they step foot into a classroom, and graduate Summa Cum Laude. I know I'm smart, but I'm definitely not that level of smart. These students have been hyper-focused since they could talk and are embarrassed when they get a 99 on a test. For them, 3.7 GPAs are pathetic, and it seems like being the best in their college class is a breeze.

However, through all 17 years of surgical training (four years of undergrad, four years of med school, six years of residency, and three years of fellowship), there is one thing I have that will carry me through : passion. Whether I have the brains for surgery or not, I know that I love it way too much to not make up for it in resilience and dedication. I know that I need to do whatever it takes to achieve my dream.

When I tell people that I want to be a surgeon, my face lights up. I can't explain how excited and eager I am to step into the world of medicine and know that I can save lives with just my hands. I can't wait to do my first solo surgery or actually choose my specialty. I'm so ready to see what med school, residency, and fellowship programs I get into, and words do not describe how happy it makes me when I think about challenging myself for the rest of my life in the most rewarding way possible. To be honest, money doesn't even matter to me. I wouldn't care if surgery was a low-paying job, and frankly, I don't think it's possible to put a monetary value on saving lives and keeping families intact. The thought of shadowing doctors and being on the forefront of medical innovation, or even just learning how to take care of and heal people is so appealing to me. I want to be one of the elite that get to do this; I want to be one of the few.

Obviously, I'm terrified. I know that surgery isn't all flashy and fun, and I'm aware that I will have just as many heartbreaks as celebrations. But, I also know that what I want to do is for the good of others; it will teach me to be more caring, selfless, and understanding. It will help me learn how to empathize with others and see things from a new perspective. Surgery will force me to be the best version of myself every single day, even when I can't hold it together. I can't fathom how fulfilled actual surgery will make me when I feel so whole just at the thought of my future career. I might not be smart enough or even steady enough physically, but I sure as hell am driven enough.

Because the job I'm pursuing is so difficult and competitive, I really do believe when every parent says to their kid: "You can do anything if you put your mind to it." My parents never stopped reinforcing that as I grew up and wanted to pursue more difficult careers, and that's what keeps me going through undergrad and will continue to push me through the rest of my education and training. I am so scared that I might not be smart enough for surgery, but it will never stop me. I can't wait to wear my white lab coat with my name "Rachel Brandes, M.D." embroidered on it. I can't wait to save my first life. I just can't wait to do what I love until I'm old and gray, and wondering whether I can actually do it or not will never get in the way of that.