This vine is basically what has been said to the people of Guam, and other Pacific Islands, for a while now.

Just to let you know, this article is completely my opinion on colonization and decolonization. I am not an expert, but I do have a few things to say.

I have seen firsthand what colonization has done to my island, and to my brothers and sisters of other Pacific Islands. It is extremely unfortunate that big countries and nations felt the need to force themselves and their beliefs onto an established people. I guess one could argue that the Chamorro, the Maori, the Samoans, and various other colonized people were not established. However, our ideas on what established is differed in a vast amount of ways. We considered our little island life to be perfect and from the historical accounts and stories I read in books and heard from family, we were content with the life we lead.

We were fine walking around, eating fish, and having a matriarchal society. We were fine with our simple, yet complex way of living. To have foreigners come to a place we have inhabited for centuries and call us savages or foreigners, on our own soil is insulting. I have lost a lot of who I am because of colonization.

I've lost touch with my language, my culture, and my identity. I get confused about who I am. Growing up on Guam I thought, "Yeah, I'm Chamorro, I'm Guamanian, I'm American." But coming out to the States I have to rethink it all. Am I really American? Because sometimes I feel like I'm a foreigner. I feel out of place amongst friends that grew up in the States. I know in my blood I'm from Guam, but am I from Guam in my mind?

Even now, I am torn over supporting decolonization and not supporting it.

We've given ourselves utterly to the United States. Our land, our people, even our culture and yet we are not adequately compensated. And this is a whole other article, but even things like Moana, the new Disney movie about an island princess has me confused. I love that people will know a little bit more about Pacific Islanders, but it's upsetting that we grew up with our culture and then all of sudden it's cool to know about it. It's a money maker for people at Disney. Literally, the only thing people knew about Pacific Islands were that Fiji, Tahiti, and Samoa were nice places to go on vacation (and also that the latter was a damn tasty Girl Scout Cookie).

People didn't know that our islands were colonized and they didn't care. Will they even care now? Islanders have been put through a lot because of colonization. If Disney wants to be accurate, then Moana should die of consumption (tuberculosis) and her family should be shipped off to the Philippines. It's like the only reason people want to see the movie is because it looks cute. The ugly truth is that Pacific Islanders had it way harder than that.

Moving on.

Just a few hours ago, I was talking to one of my friends about how America is like a drug. My generation has become addicted to it and everything it has to offer. The opportunity to have a Master's degree, to have advanced medicine, to have money. It all sounds amazing and wonderful, but I constantly ask myself, "What would my life have been like if Guam wasn't colonized?" Would I still want to have a Master's degree OR would I have learned the necessary skills to be a suruhånu and support my family that way? I just cannot imagine a life without America and if I'm being honest, I often feel more American than Chamorro.

Now, let me get into defending myself, because I know the man'åmko are going to attack me for saying what I just said.

It's not my fault I'm not completely, 110% Chamorro. I don't need pity from my elders or from other islands that are in touch with their identity. What my generation, and future generations, need is a strong support from our elders and fellow islanders. We were dealt a bad hand many, many years ago and blaming us for not knowing our language is not something that should be done. Saying it's sad that we can't communicate with our elders should not be done. It's actually childish and a very pessimistic, apathetic way of handling the situation. Where were the people to teach us who we are? Where were the social justice activists to fight for our future?

I'll tell you where they're at.

They're in college working hard to get that degree to represent Guam, to make it a better place for our children and our children's children. We know what it's like to be unable to talk to grandma fluently in Chamorro. We have felt that pain and dissatisfaction in ourselves and we want to change it, at least I do. I hope other people feel the same way and not just because FestPac 2016 made them feel that way.

At this point, I have no idea which position/option I would prefer for Guam. I want to learn more about the options we have, as well as the pros and cons. While I think decolonization should happen, I think it's nearly impossible to be separated from the U.S. at this point.

What are your thoughts on decolonization? Did something I say strike a chord in you? Let me know in the comments or DM on twitter. Forgive me if nothing makes sense, I just rant sometimes.