I wish I could tell you that I hate you. I wish I could tell you that I never wanted you in my life. You are the single worst thing that has ever happened to me, and even after my escape, you still manage to be a thorn in my side.

You might be a monster, you might be the scum of the earth, and you might be the single worst human being I have ever met, but I refuse to give you the satisfaction of hating you. I refuse to give you the satisfaction of being the monster in my head constantly tearing me down.

I thank you for the countless sleepless nights, the endless hours of being home alone with you, hiding in my room and hearing the arguments going on below me. I thank you for the bad mouthing you did, the mental state you left me, and the constant torn and battered confidence I still carry on my back.

I thank you for the days when I would lock myself in my room and hide in my closet because I was afraid that I was going to be the target of your drunken rampage, and I thank you for the days that I feared for my life.

I'll never forget all you did for me. All of those times where you felt the need to bring up the weight of a ten-year-old just to make your drunken-self feel more superior.

I thank you for giving me the chip on my shoulder, so anytime I doubt myself, I know that I have you to prove wrong. I, sincerely, thank you. Not for the years spent in the hell that was your home, but for the years you spent tearing me down and making me the person– no, the man I am today.

Thank you for letting me know what rock bottom felt like emotionally for years so that I may appreciate the wonderful world I live in today. Thank you for calling me every word and every name from your book of third-grade insults so that I may now be able to stand on my own and know that no matter what anyone thinks or says to me, it will never be as bad as your words.

Thank you for making me know true hate and then realizing I had the strength to also overcome hate and find what it means to love this life of mine.

Thank you for being so insecure in your love that you can’t even understand the love of a mother and her child. Thank you. Thank you for the constant bashing of my family so that I may realize how much they truly mean to me. Thank you.

Thank you for the years of pain and the years of uncertainty and hate so that I may now be in the next passage of my life and I may leave you behind forever. You made me realize that if I ever do fail I will pick myself up and overcome every obstacle so that I am not you.

Thank you for being my standard for bare minimum, lack of effort, and being the essence of a walking participation trophy,

I will never give you the satisfaction of hating you, so, I thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and for my entire family. I thank you. I Thank you for being the bottom rung on my ladder of life.