I took my first job in my field this summer. It's nothing fancy, just summer camp with the kiddos.
There are some days we spend 10-12 hours together and you learn a lot about them pretty quickly. They learn just as much about you.
This summer has been anything but simple, long work days, summer classes, trying to get my apartment settled and it's hard.
There have been some days this summer when I just didn't think I could make it.
Then, someone says "Ms. Lexie, I love you." or tells me about something that's going on at home, and I know these kids need me.
I wish I could tell my students I was sad and them understand why Ms. Lexie isn't rolling around on the carpet and playing with them, but without thinking less of me. I guess they probably don't notice though.
When I'm with them, that's the happiest I've ever felt. When I hear "Ms .Lexie!!" and get attacked with sticky fingers, drawings, whole universes made of blocks and the sweetest hugs in the world, I don't remember nights like this.
I don't remember being so lonely, I want to scream just to see who will look. I don't remembering counting every mark on my ceiling because it makes the voices not so loud and maybe then I can fall asleep. I don't remember what that one person said to me, their ignorance echoing in my ear.
I don't remember hating my reflection for almost nineteen years because to the little boy attached to my hip all day, I'm the prettiest girl in the world (besides his Momma). It doesn't matter if my face has "bump bumps" or I'm a little extra squishy because when we're together, I play soccer with him and listen when he tells me (for the 8th time today) about how he lost his favorite stuffed animal this past weekend.
Kids are so honest. "Ms. Lexie, your hair is messy/your breath stinks/you look tired/you're being mean today/you don't look good with your hair this way".
They always let me know when I'm looking a mess and need to fix myself, but they also tell me that my eyes are pretty, my hair looks awesome with green/blue in it, my tattoo is pretty, they want to be like me when they grow up, they wish we could play together forever, etc.
On days like today, when I cannot control the evil whispers in my ears, they remind me why I'm still on this planet and why I didn't give up when I could have. They gave me a whole new reason to live, a whole new faith in why I do what I do.
So tomorrow, when the boys ask why I call them "angels", I'll just smile because they have no idea that's exactly what they are to me.
Ms. Lexie loves you, kiddos. Never ever change.
